::: about losing things :::

i have been getting rather forgetful lately...keep leaving things behind...forgetting and losing my belongings...wonder why i'm always in a daze....

lost my SIGG water bottle...the one that celest and gang (sigma aldrich) gave to me when i quitted the temp job there...left it in LT5 and forgot to take...it wasn't there anymore the next day...i was quite sure i did ask myself if i was leaving anything behind before i left the LT/...and freak...i really did...sad...my metal bottle is not substituted by a 'polar' mineral water bottle...

and today...i lost my ruler....was still using it in one lect...and during the next...i couldn't find it anymore...why did you choose to leave me? my precious...

and i forgot to take my phone and wallet with me so many times today...they either dropped onto the floor and were dumped into my bag...and had to spend time to even recall such details...

i'm growing old...


i hope i dun lose myself someday...i hope i wouldn't just disappear into thin air without anyone noticing...i hope i dun...

happy birthday, jj

oh well..i'm still not too late i guess...

and happy halloween to all!!! no halloween parties...nvr been to one...may be very fun though...everyone dressing up to party the night away...i guess it's not a norm in sg to celebrate it bah...too bad!

bday has lost its meaning these dayz....not even an excuse to get together and have a meal...it has toned down...as life gets busy and heads in different ways...

be friends still stay in my heart....

best wishes, jj!

read textbooks...read storybooks...read comics...

read read read....

i'm going blind...

burn my room!!!

i have gotten so sick of all the notes and textbooks lying around...finally managed to catch up with some lagging tutz..but still dun understand many things...

thermo-DIE-namicz...so chim
fluid MAD-chanics...evern worse
bio-CHiM-istry...never touch it at all...

caught up with work...but only for it to run further away....this week's tut all undone as usual...will try to do as the week passes by day after day...4 more weeks to DoomsDay...


but why doi still think of you...i wonder if i should go for tmr's mkting lect....sigh...

白色风车

my 优点 is that i'm modest? hmm....perhaps too modest to the extent that pple see me as a nobody? haha...

i gotta be abit more hao lian then...

alrite...
i used to be the top student from my sec sch...bpghs!!!
i used to get L1R5 = 6
i used to be the top few in AJ
i used to get 4As 1D 1M (i shan't mention abt GP)
i used to get DL in one sem...

i'm top class!!!

haha..so many 'used to'...

but then i'm just seeking for simplicity...call me ambitionless if you wan...but all i want in life, is just a person whom i can fall back on when i need the support...someone to smile with me when i am happy...have yet to find that person...it's really so hard....

perhaps 'simplicity' is the hardest thing to achieve for me...

the academic 'used to' above don't prove anything...i didn't derive my happiness from them...neither will i do that now....coz it's just something that i think i should do...with my best effort...

afterall...as time passes by...i have realised that there are so many bright pple around tt being one of them doesn't show anything...

"there are so many graduates around...but there is only one champion"--some quote from remy ong (the sg bowler)

true...but i really dun seek to be the champion these dayz...lack the competitive side of me...since long long ago...maybe i have been thru a wrong environment...maybe i would have turned out better if i had gone elsewhere...

but i have learnt not to regret my decisions...no matter how bad they are...coz it's always better to look forward than staring back at what was left...

persevere...dun give up!

ignore the previous post...it's...erm...so not me...

no..i'm not going to give up on anything yet...not until i try and fail badly...i'm just gonna concentrate on what i have to do for the moment...

P
R
I
O
R
I
T
I
E
S

dun understand why some pple just can't get their priorities right...can't they weigh out whatz more important? maybe they did...and theirs happen to be totally different from mine?

i dun blame anyone for anything...i'll just blame myself for being so 'myself'...

been rushing for marketing proj these few dayz...and it's becoz only till these few dayz that pple start getting together and work on it...maybe it's just how it works...

thatz probably why i never like projz...coz the levels of commitment from each one differs so much...and the working styles are needless to say...i dun like to be rushing for datelines....i like things to be done at a comfortable pace...enough time set aside for contingencies if needed any...

thatz why i dun like to lead a group...coz i know it's hard to get everyone to follow you...it's unlike the army...when my men follow me becoz they know i will help them get time to rest..lolz...well...sounds abit wrong...but at least i can accomplish what is needed to be done...

it's good to have me in a grp...haha..coz i'm a gan jiong spider...i get things done...with or without help...it's just the quality of the outcome that are different...

in a society like this...everyone's thinking of the best for themselves before others...everyone strives to step on others to get on top...harsh but true...believe it or not...haf fun stepping or get stepped...choose your destiny...

back to the datelines issue...is it really true that pple get more efficient and do a better job when time is running out? dunno abt that...maybe pple are just plain 犯贱...(haha...my theory of pple are fan jian is back again)...and when they know time is running out...they still wan so many things to be done...'is it rational?' perhaps that thought never cross their minds...

well...no offence to my mkting proj mates if you happen to see these...but i think we could have done a far better job...coz we do had the time (of coz not now anymore)...i nvr doubt your commitment...if i were to single out one with the least commitment...i would have pointed the finger to myself...coz afterall i'm the only one who s/u-ed mkting...but i feel that i never let anyone down...i did what i'm supposed to...i believe neither of us has let anyone down...(any strong objections..pls voice out!!)....it's just that none of us took the initiative...reasons? never really find out why...

busy? well...this 4-letter word has been so commonly used as an excuse that i dun think it's valid anymore....who in the world is not busy? lolz...

i hope i dun offend any of my grp mates if you see this...i love your guys...you pple have been a friendly lot...fun to work with...and i really njoy mkting abit more with you guys...(if not...i would have hated mkting to the core...)

lets hope everything will turn out fine and yah...end of proj! letz celebrate! after sat's presentation...good luck!

::: about giving up :::

current location: nus central lib...

sigh sigh sigh...the time of the sem when i feel so cui...when i feel my engine overhauled...oh man...i wonder if i should just give up...

but why give up when you know you still stand a chance?

no matter how slim the chance seems to be...it's still an opportunity...

i really dunno...in a state of self-doubt since last week...the feeling of slackness since then also...i dunno how long i can carry on...i dunno how far i will carry myself to...i'm leaving it to fate...

it's bad...i feel myself being sucked into the vicious cycle again...started hslx-ing again...something similar happened during this time last sem also...but this time...i'm destined not to let the same thing happen again...

i know wat i have to do...and thatz not wat i did last sem...i just need to get you out of my mind...

was in suntec just now with craig they all after cycling at ecp...and dinner at ichiban boshi (i hope i got the name correct...my memory is failing me)...was walking around and passed by ROYCE...my fave chocz shop...i felt stupid to think of you... for something that seems so minute...for something that i think you have long forgotten...maybe you never recall such a thing at all...

tatz why i feel like a fool...

sigh...i just dun wanna sink deeper...grabbing hold of anything that will keep me bouyant...pls dun pull me down under....

"我已经变了 但也来不及了"

退后


夜的第七章


听妈妈的话

::: a re-post :::

mesmerizing vocalz... would you be my xiao wei? lolz

haha...i am so bored....

oh...i saw her today..while walking to engin Mac after 2123 quiz...wonder if she sees me also...

dunno why...but i just wanna hide away when i see her...but when i don't see her...i will try to search high and low for her....

zs is just a plain fool....

::: crossing the line :::

yah...want to write something abt this topic today...abt crossing the line between friends and more-than-friends (a.k.a lovers)

imagine a scenario: you(a guy) and Miss A are friends for quite sometime...the two of you hit off quite well...always enjoying time spent together...and after some time, you feel that you actually like Miss A and wanna be more than just friends with her...but you just dunno how she feels towards you... "Does she feels the same way that i do?", "is she just being friendly?"....you wanna tell Miss A your inner thoughts but fear of rejection....and of course...you are afraid of losing her as a friend as well...what will you do?

man..emotions are a hell load of troublesome issues...

pj told me abt crossing the line...once you crossed that line of being just friends...it's somewhat difficult to get back to the initial state...maybe thatz not true...or at least that doesn't apply to everyone...but it does prove its worth to pple who don't take emotions too lightly...

to them...it will be awkward...they can never be friends as before...even if they still regard each other as friends...the feeling is just so different...

well...i used to belong to the latter...but i'm learning to take such things lightly...and i would try not to cross that thin line b/w friends and morethanfriends ...

it feels more comfortable to be just friends...njoying each other's company...with little or less commitments...well..if the feeling is mutual...it will surface someday...so...there is really no pt rushing into such things....


seen friends getting themselves depressed....been depressed myself at times...and i tink that'z really too much...self-inflicted painz to add on to the already busy and stressful uni life....not worth it i guess....

things are even worse when we are not even good friends to begin with...


hmmz...well...i dun tink i'm making much sense here...so i think i shall end it off...


\to all those who have gotten their hearts broken....do get over it soon and be sure that there is always a destined, better half out there for you...it's just a matter of time...fate of chance....blar blar...dun just rush into commitments....

\to all those who are happily in love....treasure who you have now...they are blessings for you...just like you are a blessing to them....

\to pple who know me....i'm actually feeling quite okay these dayz...no worries as life goes on...

思念 but not to the extent of 痛楚...you're just so lucky to be on my mind

was flipping thru my collection of photos...and decided to post some of them...

photos tat captured happy moments...how nice!

::: Random photoz :::

ah yu'z convo somewhere in july? i miss that color on my hair...


a well taken pic of 7 (see reflection)..crazy guys!!


things only we will do...


THE settler's that serves nothing but "red apples and green apples"...look how hungry craig is!!!


the blurry effect...cool!


a snap of my fingers


craig and pj


bic mastery...


happy faces...


feel the 杀气


thtz me in batam sky


jinyn (aka 'iron') and me


dawn and jinyan


guang guang!!!


jinyan, dawn, qizhi (my aj frenz)


aqua guys


aqua galz

原来我的思念那么深

当思念变成了一种习惯...

习惯眷恋...

the reason why am i not happy: i can't have the things that i like...

i can't have chocz (coz my cough isn't going away)
i can't have cola (for the same reason above)
i can't have you (it's probably fate)


but not being happy doesn't mean i must be sad and depressed....the zs theory of no-reasons-to-be-happy-tatz-why-not-happy...

well...i think i'm someone who's easily contented...most of the time...not that a candy will make my day...(i'm not a kid anymore)..but i just need simple things in life to brighten up the day...

was chatting with a uni fren just now...and i proudly labelled myself as a cokster...and i only behave as my true cokster self when i'm with pple i feel comfortable with...otherwise...i will feel more restrained and behave more seriously...

zs 2nd law: speaking in chinese feels more 亲切 than in english....

haha...


it's been nice chatting with you (not the uni fren as mentioned above, but another one)...this is what that had made my day today...somehow...i felt contented....the sun seems to shine brightly even though it rained...lolz

SHE Perfect 3 world tour 2007.....2007-01-27

anyone wanna go? 148 bucks ticket....looking for pple to pei wo go...haha

chk it out!

gotten a new tagboard...cbox...apparently tagboard.com closed down without informing me and i was too lazy to get a new one until now...this new one looks abit out of place in the middle though...doesn't blend into the big picture...but heck...dun think i'm gonna explore much into it...just leave it there for pple to lodge complainz abt me...(of coz...they were be subjected to censoring)


EXPECTIONS

been thinking abt this after my organic chem test...is it that i have set my expectations too high? maybe i'm not that great as i think i am...maybe i have long lost that supremacy that i once felt...maybe i'm getting ordinary....

ordinary...something that i have always yield for...a simple, happy life...but then again...it's hard when you were once up there...you will tend to njoy that status so much that you would feel empty when you lose it...

as i have said...everyone in chem eng is smart...no doubt about that...everyone can be top if they put in their best...but each person's 'top' may be at a different level...

relatively top is what that's important? realistically but sadly, yes! was amazed when one friend of mine said that what score he gets for a test is not important...the most important is how he fares as compared to the rest....yah...the entire "bell-shaped curve" effect at work...so unhealthy...for me...i'm more concerned abt how well i did...if the test is on something i should know...then i should know it...it feels really irritating to know that you can do it but still failed to do it at that pt in time...

well...call me individualistic if you want...i'm more concerned abt my personal performance than how good i appear to be, relatively to the rest...afterall...i can be much a loner if i wanna shut myself out...

but i dun wan a world of my own...i njoy sharing...i need pple around me...

multi-facet...split personalities...haha...yah/./...maybe...mildly though....

the organic chem test just now was such a realization for me...i'm so much of an "understander"....i just refuse to accept things that seem meaningless to me...who can't figure out electrons shifting around...wat do you wanna test us on? showing arrows and movements of electrons and atoms?

but for me...i'm someone who would be thinking abt "what reactions will alkenes undergo in acidic conditions?" shouldn't such things be the concepts to test on? maybe it's trying to test some other concepts...things that i deem meaningless, or at least of less importance or priority...haha...stuck at my very 1st thought abt the question...blanked out my mind for a while and everything suddenly fell apart....


am so disappointed abt myself....i tink my friends are disappointed in me also....

sigh

identified my study style...i'm more of an understander than a pattern observer...unless the pattern does make some sense....i only see what i understand...

and my mind works in such a rigid way that it simply cannot work as well in the reverse....

haha...organic chem is killing me...has everything inside my head...but i can't piece everything together...if i see the reagents and conditions...i know what will be formed...but if i see only 2 seemingly unrelated shiitz...and you ask my to synthesise one from the other...you might as well kill me....lolz

time for bed...revision will continue in my dreamz...

dream OrGaNicZzzzzzz

有机...do you know what does that mean? Organic...something that has been causing so much trouble in 300 odd students for the past and coming few dayz...a 10% test...with like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...yupz 7 textbook chapters to be included...7 chapters are alright...but 7 chapters of organic chem without open-book simply equals 7 chapters of memory work to be done...

understanding is one thing...who can't understand if the ans is written right in front of him? memorizing of course is a totally different thing...it's really mind boggling to read and try to store everything into your HDD...the processor may be too slow(like mine)...HDD might clash anytime...and RAM isn't impressive also...

even if memorizing's done...the ability to recall and apply it during the test is yet another issue...

cok upz....wonder why am i writing this blog entry...i should be studying somemore...

sigh...maybe i really had enough for the night...everything seemed to go in..but who knows what will happen tmr...i'm already beginning to remember what i can't remember...irony!

mind's getting stupid as the dayz past by...maybe it's been used to think about so many useless unnecessary stuff that it's going on strike...

sigh sigh sigh....

the haze is so bad that my cough worsens...

save me!

goodness....friday the 13th is over...and what happened? nothing really unlucky...just that i had to end up sleeping on the train while i was going home from billiard...and woke up just in time for the train to go pass yewtee...and that's still not too bad...it slowed down on its way to kranji and had 2 opposite side trains past it...when i finally alighted at kranji reluctantly...i had to wait another 7mins for a return train to my beloved home...

was again so freaking tired today...probably becoz i didn't get to sleep much last night...due to some...hmm...personal reasons...and i went sch for the earli 8am lsm LAST lecture today! yesh...it's the last lect for this module and 60% of the module is done...the last 40% verdict will depend on a 60 mcq qn final year paper....

after the lect...went off to mac with shiyao and jialiang for breakfast....and then to library to mug abit before i went off for my mkting proj

yupz...2pm at holland v for mkting proj with junhao, xiuling, murali and ruiwen...we were supposed to interview some restaurant that is willing to let us pester...tried a few but got rejected...then we came to this EL POTIO Mexican restaurant...man...the guy there was so friendly and accepted our 'ridiculous' request...he even let us filmed him down on a digicam...haha...there are such kind souls around...and not forgetting his sharing of knowledge and information which may or may not come in useful...and his treat to a cola for each of us....really thank you soo much!!!

after tt...went back sch to meet up with pj and yanz while i watched them had mac!!! again....haha...coz we were to go billiarding in the evening...

billiarding was not too bad today...but until the point when my vision was suddenly doubled...and blurred....too tired tt my eyes really couldn't focus anymore...

ended the game after, of course, a few good hours...but no one wanna go for dinner....all still full somehow...and sadly...no one wanted to accompany me for my pathetic dinner at 9 plus...sad....

left alone while they were still there to go da bao some food home...and of course...before the successful arrival home...the disastrous trip to kranji happened...to think abt it...it's been ages since i travelled to the other side of yewtee....


omg...i should be writing up my cm lab report...but i'm blogging instead....sigh sigh sigh....

kk...i shall attempt to get the abstract and aim done before i knock out!

oh yah....it's gonna be friday the 13th soon....be carefl everyone...

hope you have a safe and lucky day!

extraordinarily tired today...

probably becoz of the lab in the morning...though not very tedious...but waiting simply withers me and my strength....plus i didn't catch a nap in sch at all and had a 4-6pm organic chem lecture...

but i like organic chem lab...quite funz...at least i thought so..haha...i think it's the pple who are around me durng my lab sessions bah...hong keat and gong yu beside me...always crap around and help each other thru whenever possible...

got to know my organic test one results...43/50...not too bad...but not very good either...coz there are alot of pple who scored full marks...and many others higher than this...hmm...not i'm quite content with it...having made some stupid mistakes that i could have avoided...

next week is test 2...started revision...progressing slowly...clearing all the shiit that i dunno...despite attending the lectures...txtbk proves to be much more helpful...

shall take some time of to relax this weekend...despite having 2 tests upcoming next week..and the usual tutz...but heck...i need to break...

nonchalant towards many things these dayz...is it good? i really dunno...maybe you can tell me...

mood: down again....

reason: nil...

hmm...just dun feel happy...coz as i have always said...there is really nothing to be happy about these dayz...not particular depressed either....just plain monotonous...i think something is seriously lacking in my life...i need some sparks...i need some new experiences...but i'm just too lazy to go out search for these things that i know i need...

hectic schedule in school? not too bad for me actually...apart from studies...i really have nothing to deal with in school...

too free? nope...as i told ru de...my mind feels so preoccupied by stuff these dayz...i know that there are always more things that are waiting for me to do...but i can't possibly do every single one of them and dun give myself a break...getting slacker and slacker after each sem....which is good...coz effort doesn't always really give you results in uni...most important thing that you need is some preparation and LUCK!!!

sigh..the fact of life is cruel...

my cough? yupz...it still exist...probably due to the haze...it's not getting better...dunno...but thanks to all those who have shown concerns...thankz for remembering me...


listening to penny's newest album now...new songs...sad songs..."一个人 很彻底"..."单身潜逃"...phrases like these are so...hmm...sigh...

i'm going into isolation...really...feeling myself stepping in even though i dun wan to...separating from the world...sinking into a world of mine...solitude...

saw someone today...hmm...actually i saw alot of pple today...but it's her that i wanna see...but so wat if i saw her? haha...i feel like a fool yet again...i'm so stupid...

i think i'm getting stupider as time passes...or it's just that the pple around are getting smarter and i'm not...ha/..


wat happen to our friday sports day? haha...seems like everyone is so busy with their own business yah? haiz...long time didn't play bball with pj they all also le...missing those times on court...where the round globe-like bball is so much more interesting than those thick flat textbookz....


so many random thoughts today...man...i shall go sleep and stop thinking abt all these...

hope that you are fine...

finally finished my tuition with matthew...the sec 2 indian kid...yahz...it's been rather fun teaching him...really...despite the many last min postponement of sessions...he's good to talk cok to...haha...yahz...i tok cok to my kids...he's sec 2...promoting to sec 3...hopefully successfully...not that he's stupid larz...but just kinda lazy...maths is rather weak....

haha...it's so funnie...i can't believe that i was actually teaching him D&T yesterday...design and technology....was teaching him tricks in the isometric drawing...remember the funnie 30 degree angle grid paper that we used to have fun with during our lower sec dayz? yahz...kinda njoy drawing those stuff...wonder if going into engin is really a wise choice...maybe i should have gone to such archi drawing and stuff...lolz...definitely more 'life' than now...but probably more other problems also...

how i wish i could drop my textbooks to pick up a good book to read...hmm...the book that shiyao recommended? i haven't even completed my "tuesday with morrie"....wanna read mitch's other books as well...and paulo coelho's...

hey...i'm not an only-textbook guy okay? i do read...but once in...erm...a few years? haha...shall go get some books during the dec hols then...

slp slp slp....

tot of changing the song on my blog...

so here it goes....一个人的行李 by penny....another singer that i have always liked....

just clicked on my blog just now and realised that it's been awhile since my last entry...yupz...last thursday...considered rather long for a frequent, everyday blogger like me...

well...life's not getting and relaxed...even though it's just immediately after the mid term tests...how did i fare?

cui...

as i was telling my friend the other day...the meaning of 'cui' ... "when you know you could have done better but still cok up somehow"... yupz...cok up during my fluids...could have been better...only realised how to do the 2 qns that i dunno after the test...40 marks gone for 2 mcqs....sigh...wed 2121 was relatively better...but once again...carelessness got on me...or should i blame my carelessness when preparing my own formula list? haiz...self-induced error that could have all well been avoided if i'm just more careful and verify...oh wellz...just hope the consequence is not too dire...

of all, only last monday's weekly 2123 test was good...hope can get full marks!


sigh sigh sigh....today's 2123 wasn't very satisfactory...i think i screwed up my 1st qn...another s/u gone i guess...it's not a difficult paper...just that i didn't think hard enough...thinking back...i think wat ryan said abt that qn was correct...so many pple may have done wrong then....

so many things abt studies....yes...it's preoccupying my life for this moment...tests over...indv and grp assignments due-ing....tests drawing near...labs...tutz that seem undo-able, at least for me...

cough's not cured yet!!!! that's the most annoying thing...spent so much visiting doctors...feeding myself with potions and pills that are supposed to replenish my hp...haha...strength dropped...stamina lost...lethargic-ness on the high...dunno why i feel so tired larz...damn....

think i have had enough crap already...gotta get ready for tuition soon...payday!

ABEBECDBECEEBACBEBEACBEBABED.....this goes on for a good 25 mcq qns....my lsm assignment 2 - a 48hr take hour mcq test...which causes pple to discuss the questions and compare answers extensively...

sigh...spent so much time to research on the questions...things not covered in lectures....and so many foreign terms...words that are even foreign to A level bio students i guess...

haiz....tink i had enough of the comparing...wrong a few more questions wun die also larz....maybe i wun even have the chance to know if i got them correct or wrong...

shall go down myself with medicine and go sleep...tmr go lect earli earli

"May cause drowsiness"

seen so many of such labels these dayz...sigh...yes...i'm back to my pill popping and drug swallow practice...argh...dun get me wrong...not those illegal ones...just that the cough still decides to stay with me...

chest felt pain a few days back...doc said i might have pulled my muscle from coughing too much...x-ray scan for chronic cough seemed okay...so i think i wun die yet!! something to be happy abt!!!

the medicines are making me very sleepy during this crunch period...

dun think i can study till too late...and thatz why i'm actually here...blogging and blog surfing...

tmr is the fluid's midterm...it's gonna be 5-6 MCQ KILLER QUESTIONS!!! for 20-30% of total....ah! crapz....just like the lecturer...oh well...where are all the good lecturers in NUS?!?!?!

ah...the bbq today with shaggerz was...erm...狼狈...but FUN...haha...a BYOP bbq (bring-your-own-pit)...which we ended setting up our barang barang in the middle of nowhere...with no light except the mini torchlight that yan bought...and a 9-buck plus mini shaky pit...cute little charcoal balls...公鸡 brand fire starters...and FOOD!!!!

we always have bad affiliation with weather for our outdoors....luckily the rain today wasn't so bad...

the usual crapz and lameness just come so naturally with these bunch of asses...erm...i mean suck-cok friends...(ehz...still doesn't sound correct)...it feels so comfortable with them...so natural...yahz...thatz the bond that i feel...

the pple that were present: pj, tiongz, craig, ah cai, yan, ah yu, jia, jas and me....





those pple that weren't there...well...i can only say that you missed out on alot of precious moments with us...and lets hope you wun miss out too much in the future....


sigh/...

okayz...hair's kinda dry...shall go sleep and wake up for the battle tmr...


happy children's day!!!!