the good things

pple always say that life's full of good things out there...you just have to go out and get them...

hmm...well...i have seen many good things...but i realize there is no use going out and try to get them...becoz some things are just not yours...no matter how hard u try...you still won't get them...and some times...the good things turn bad...really bad...

you know wat...i have tried many times...and realize that those good things i go after are so often not destined to be mine...i have learnt...some times the hard way...and i have learnt to give up the thought of even trying...

if the good things belong to me...i believe they will come to me...at least i hope it works this way...i shall just keep my faith...

the only tough part is...when i start to give....i develop this thing called expectation...the starting point to disappointment...so well...i really think i should stop this nonsense shiit...i should stop giving...

and start receiving....if there is ever anything for me to receive that is...

late

i was the 2nd then...

you were the last...

in fact, you were late...


it tells me so much....things that i already know actually...so there is no need to re-emphasize...

and there is no need to inflict further pain...

there is no need to feel sorry when there is no guilt...

last disappointment

make that the last disappointment for this yr...

there aint many days left for 2008 anymore...



for those who remembered, thanks for the sms wishes, as well as those on facebook....i really appreciated them...every single word....thankz soo much!! =)

yr end resolutions

i dun need any surprises....

i just dun want any more disappointments..


and the best way to do that? have no expectations...

do totally nothing...for nobody...for no purpose...



let it be...


my ability alone can't change anything anymore...

i didn't know it....

hurts soo much...

coz it means soo much to me...

but i have my reasons...i didn't read between the lines...i didn't need to...coz everything that wasn't done...every word that was said so lightly...it just tells...i'm very sensitive you know....sometimes...i just hate myself for being too sensitive....over sensitive....even to things that pple don't see or feel...

pj is right to say that i am angry becoz i'm expecting something...

and perhaps what i'm expecting will never come from you...that you couldn't give what i expect in the kind of friendship i wish to establish...


and pardon me...fellow blog viewers who still bother to pay a visit....what i write here is really not meant so much for reading...by all means....DO NOT read if u don't want to...i just need to place to vent...

this time...i wonder how long i will take...

i feel the pain in my heart...in my head...it's just killing me every now and then....i should really quit msn...i shall try...

hurt

i can only say that i was hurt...

i am still hurt by the things you say...

hmm...i dun even have the courage to say that i am hurt...i can only write it down in words...

sorry that i make u felt that way...

and i have probably figured out the best way to deal with it...i shan't talk anymore...安静了...

coz the more i wanna say...the more u would feel that way...

the angrier you get...the sadder i would be...

so it's probably the end...at least this way...i would be the only one feeling the pain...

haiz...i didn't want it to turn out this way...

but the moment i heard your voice today...the moment i saw you...that split second we looked eye to eye....i know it's gone...i felt so invisible that i dunno how to react...

my world collapsed at that moment...

really...it's enough for me...

another friendship ruined....

by me...


am i cursed or something? why does it always happen to me like this?

why?



i am not well...

i so hate the dec season...

frustration

am i really that irritating to you?

haiz...sometimes...it really feels like i am damn bloody irritating...

i think 9 out of 10 times...i will get no reply at all on msn...

no...i have nothing of importance....but it feels more like i am of no importance at all...

it makes me wonder what kind of friend am i to you...

maybe i shan't even regard myself as a friend anymore...thatz the kind of feeling you are giving me...

i wanna talk...but i am nvr given the chance...

and i always care....no matter what...

it's so tiring...can you damn bloody at least reply me? so that at least i can know that you're alive and kick?!?!?! and please dun be stingy with your reply...if words are so expensive....then i have nothing to say....

i guess i am angry...i wun deny it...angry for nothing...angry for you doing nothing...

i am freaking tired of the kind of inconsistency i feel...

and if u ever see this...i hope by then...my anger would have subsided...

else...i also dunno...i'm kinda ready to just forsake this friendship...coz it's not something u need...even the friendship feels so one-sided....so why should i even bother? why am i always bothered by things that others dun care at all?

if i sound harsh...well...thatz becoz i'm really quite frustrated...more like of myself than of anything else...but still...i'm frustrated....\\


signing off,
the unimportant zs

argh!

please don't do this to me...my heart can't take it...

got run down by prof again on tues night... =(

and when such situation occurs...i really can't find a person whom i could whine to...knowing for sure that the person will be so willingly listening...and understand my problem...it's not just something that "dun worry, you're not alone" can help...i know...everyone is facing problems some how or another...but i believe every problem is different...and how everyone handles his/her is different too...and it seems that no one is free enough to listen to me whine and understand my concerns....esp you...

pple keep saying that i have high expectations...but no! thatz not true! i just see no end to my entire fyp...BUT i know i have to make it end by hook or by crook on 31dec...

haiz...anyway...on a lighter note....the outing today was pretty good...shaggerz always manage to make me let loose on a night like this...thankz peepz....though i am not sure if there's anything for xmas...and i really dun think i have the time to plan anything...but i'm sure someone will come up with something yay? and if by then...i am not too owned by fyp...i will most certainly make my presence for THAT anything that is planned....

oh well...for now...it's back to reality...

but haiz....i just wanna whack tennis!

haiz

sometimes i just hate you...

even as a friend...

i dunno why...

maybe it's becoz.......





"恨比爱容易放下"...haiz