31 July 2008.

31 July 2008.

i'm mentally and physically tired. just realised that i have got many things to know for my fyp today when i met up with the previous student (Aaron). the codes are damn confusing. let alone it's written in a language that i have nvr know. and Aaron was nice enough to meet up and go thru with me abt the entire thingy even though i can hardly follow wat he said. anyway, it's done out of courtesy and i really appreciate that. i hope i can figure out the bulk of it myself as it wouldn't be too nice to bother him too much.

yah. u went lib again today to do some work - going thru the tut but Aaron told me the tutorial aint very useful in fact. hmm. maybe i should just work on the codes that were given to me from today onwards? i dunno. i feel rather lost and directionless after the meeting this evening that i actually took a long bus ride back to central lib and then waited long for bus 96 before hopping on the mrt home. and da bao my dinner at 9ish pm. haha. i was dead tired and hungry.

really. mentally and physically drained/dispensed. no joke.

boredom

damn. it's so bored in central lib. doing fyp stuff. directionless still. but i guess the least i can do now is to get familiar with the jadex program and the syntax of all the scripting to be understood/done at the later stage.

the progress is as usual. W.O.L.S. but better than nothing. i'm SOoSosoo bored!!! and sick of the java language. with a huge chunk that has yet to be digested. argh!

sianz....sianz.sianz....

well..here's some etertainment: a song that i'm quite hooked on recently. it's called walk fire enter devil (走火入魔)...wahaha




and i have to say..ah xin is so act-cute in the MV...where is his rocker-seh?!?!?!?

WALL.E

let me introduce to everyone, this thing here is called: wall.e


an up coming PIXAR animated movie.

hmm. nothing much. just wanna 'hao lian' coz i sketch this myself. though not very nice. but thatz MY standard. and i'm pretty happy with that coz i dun draw for a living.

i'm an ENGINEER! though my personality test result didn't justify that. haha.

Definitely.Maybe

wat am i hoping for? why am i in sch?

anyway, i was watching this movie called "Definitely.Maybe" last night. hmm..how should i say. the story started off with a daughter, a sweet yound little gal who questioned her father if she was an 'accident' in his marriage since he was getting a divorce with his wife. it triggered off his father story-telling in an attempt to convince her that she wasn't an 'accident'.

and so, this entire world was abt the father's life/love story that was full of ups and downs, plenty of 'Maybe's but he had yet to find his 'Definitely'. Perhaps he had long found it, but he just wasn't definite abt his 'Definitely'. Ironies in life. It's complicated. the plot shows how his life was circled round these 3 women who all had possibilities of being the daughter's mother.

quite a nice movie. And i always believe every movies has its story to tell. and its message to convey. and i think wat this particular one is trying to convey is that nothing is an accident, and humans are always searching for their true loves, their soulmates. the search might be an endless one, but nonetheless, the journey is all worthwhile. coz there will be ever much to learn and benefit from, despite the occasional losses.

yupz. and it will DEFINITELY be sweet to finally understand wht u wan and have been searching for and the joy u get from you find it will be inexplicable!

a lifelong lesson. a lifelong journey.

quote

"forget about the real deal. you don't find it, it finds you"

elva - 冲动

忍不住 想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属于我 会有点寂寞
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口

忍不住 想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执着 能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受 不怕失落
关于你的一切 我想要比谁都懂

If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty

If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now.
You think I'm weak - I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving.
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
And I think I'm scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing.

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby I need you to come home
There's a little bit of something me
In everything in you.

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
And I bet you need - more than you mind.

And I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that i know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling.

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you.

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
And I think I'm scared - do I talk too much
I know it's wrong it's a problem I'm dealing.

If you're gone - maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you


----------------------------------

some old nice english song that i have always liked...esp the lyrics...

it feels strange

yes...strange to be sitting in front of her at this present moment...only to catch glimpses of her doing her readings...in deep focus (or at least i think so)...and here i am...typing away on this stupid blog which only craps read (haha...but of cuz...crapz who are concerned enough to want to know what's going on in my life...thankq..)

and haha...dun ask me why am i doing this...perhaps humans are fj (by birth)...it's a hard to alter trait..i have yet learnt to alter it...

but i'm already glad...to be able to be here...to be able to do wat i wanna do...to stay around just in case she needs me...to catch glimpse of her smiles...and see how she get so engrossed in her work...


thankz for the chance...to be able to spend the afternoon away with you...though quiet...but i enjoy the silence...though nothing happens...but i'm glad that nothing bad happens...

thank you...~!!!

残酷月光

我一直都在流浪
可我不曾见过海洋
我以為的遗忘
原来躺在你手上

我努力微笑坚强
寂寞筑成一道围墙
也敌不过夜裡
最温柔的月光

need to start living for myself

yar man...just as what the title says... "I NEED TO START LIVING FOR MYSELF!!!"


on my way back just now...i was thinking to myself that i have really got nothing to begin with with...and so..nothing to lose...

so i guess it's just back to square one...the place from where i begin...perhaps also the most comfortable place...

nope...i dun feel sad...

just a bit disappointed...


and angry with the world...haha..yes...ANGRY with the WORLD...and no one else!!!


in fact...i feel lighter...having released something that i have kept in my heart for some time...and of coz...due to the chivas tat i am sipping now...

and and...alcohol really shows pple how the earth rotates...right in front of ur eyes...



taking a step forward...coz i dun wanna look back...

so difficult to press the 'send' button

yeap...it's the 1st time i find it soo hard to press the 'send' button...

but anyway...the email is sent...

i dunno if i did the correct thing or not...but at least i am sobre now (no alcohol effect tonight)

i was hesitant...i was in a dilemma...but i thot abt it for quite long already...and maybe wat pj said was right...i didn't have many chances left...






oh....and it's now raining...great!...perhaps it would make me fall into an easy sleep for tonight...

13/Jul

it really doesn't feel good to be rejected time and again...

so if ever someone tried to ask u out...do consider abt his/her feelings...and dun straight away reject just becoz it's not something you like to do...

maybe there are other reasons...maybe there is just one...that "this guy is too irritating"...if so...pls be frank and tell him...

coz there was a first time...and then came a 2nd...so he wonders if there could be a 3rd...thatz just that...



and he really doesn't mean to be irritating...afterall...there were times when he was being irritated...but that didn't give him enuff reasons to be angry...perhaps he would nvr be angry with that person...perhaps he likes to be irritated by that person...

thatz what i call fan jian (a.k.a. fj in this blog)...






certain things i feel should be said in person...face to face...but frequent enuff...that kind of chance might not be given...and there's really nothing much to do abt it...time would probably tell whatz best...and whatz more frightening is that you will nvr know how long it would take...there is this optimum that must be found...hard...very hard...and thatz why pple usually call it 'FATE'...whenz the right time...must be coupled with the right place...and the probability of that happening? i dunno...it hasn't happened yet...



just wanna rant tonight...

pardon me...

the bus stop

i love it when we were at the bus stop...(*though it took me some time to get to the correct one)

waiting for the bus...
waiting for something to happen...
waiting for the world to change...


in fact...
i hoped the bus would nvr come...
i hoped i could find a good enuff reason to miss that next bus...
i hoped the night could just pause at that moment for as long as possible...

----------------------



"Oh 爱 是变得很想依赖
爱 是想要陪你醒来
Oh 爱 想向你在未来
一辈子存在"

- 萧敬腾 - 一辈子存在

the songs in his album are quite nice...

romantic lyrics of which his voice exudes the underlying feelings fully...

just for fun

http://www.41q.com/type.41q?p=23682634

a personality test...and here's my result...

Your personality type:

Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind. Do not like conflict and not likely to do things which may generate conflict. Loyal and faithful. Extremely well-developed senses and aesthetic appreciation for beauty. Not interested in leading or controlling others. Flexible and open-minded. Likely to be original and creative. Enjoy the present moment.

Careers that could fit you includes:

Artists, musicians, composers, designers, child care workers, social workers, counselors, teachers, veterinarians, forest rangers, naturalists, bookkeepers, carpenters, personal service workers, clerical supervisors, secretaries, dental and medical staffers, waiters and waitresses, chefs, nurses, mechanics, physical therapists, x-ray technicians.

i feel that it's not very accurate...but anway...just for u guys to waste some precious time...

GET BACK TO UR WORK!!!!

vicious cycle

yes yes...i know i'm in THE vicious cycle...

so watz the soln to this?

hmm...

make it into a square? a box?


hhaa...heck...i'm going crazy...


let me just hide in my 乌龟 shell...

"my time has come"... and i really have to leave....end of my exxon dayz...my intern dayz...had so much funz chit-chatting and gossiping away....and so many hot and steamy gossipz and r21 topics i must say...it's great to intern with crazy pple...and make normal pple crazy at the same time...


yes...i'm crazy...


till i get over it...


adieus

where i stand...

i think i should know where i stand...

here...facing the front...all by myself...

clouds of uncertainty ahead...engulfing all visible routes...

maybe i should just head straight...and stop hesitating...stop thinking...stop hslxing...


nothing bad is gonna happen...nothing's gonna happen...for the 'later' always doesn't happen anway...

randomzzz

lets pick up from where we have left off...











ring me up when u get back...



















i need my holidayz....











it's been too long a stay....











i need new challenges....











crapz...

7-11 (can't think of a good title)

"你的心 像闪烁的霓虹 叫人迷恋 却也迷惑 我没有把握.."
-- 动力火车 - 不甘心 不放手

some pretty old song by Power Station...nice lyrics...the entire song...very nice....

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i have been wondering again...sigh...abt where do i stand...

why do you come to me only when u need help? and always gone in a flash when help had been rendered...aint giving enuff time to even say a proper goodbye...let alone any other qns that i might wanna ask...and why do i keep staying...hoping i can help but i know the only thing i can do is to affirm whatever decision you have made...so that you can feel more assured and confident...

how can someone be so self-centred (maybe, it's abit too harsh to use this word) and incapable of sensing how other may feel...or maybe just doesn't bother to know how other feels...

it feels very much like going to a convenient store (think 7-11)...when u r thirsty...u'd just pop in and get a drink and then..off u go...yes...simple as that...u dun even nid to thank the cashier for that's his job to serve u...u dun even care abt who else r in the store...all u wan is just to get ur drink to quench the thirst...and every other thing is taken for granted....



hmm...i feel quite "7-11" lately...(我觉得自己很方便)...maybe thatz because i'm so easily 'accessible' online...and i'm soo goddamn free to meddle into business that are not my own...but when it comes to MY business...who cares anyway...and in fact...who can help? perhaps i have become so independent when it comes to making decisions...but i haven't been making many right ones...perhaps it's time i seek other opinions when i'm confused....but who are willing to help?

i have my doubts over issues....many...and they aint always easy to deal with...but i know that when there are choices...decisions have to be made...no other ways...and decisions may not always turn out good...there will be regretz...but every such instance is a learning lesson...



sigh..getting abit emo...haa....but will be fine soon...




perhaps i should sell my laptop off...so that i wun appear online always...



getting so 宅.... not zhai...


i need to get outside and breathe some nature's air...