sick!!

yes!!! the title says it all....zs is sick again...sux

i have never had a fever that's so bad...since sat evening...i dunno...it's probably abt 38C then...after dinner...popped 2 panadol cold and went to sleep at 8pm!!!! shag...it didn't get better on sunday...hitting a record high of 39.3C...aha!!! 2 more panadol cold and more sleep...

the head was so heavy that i could hardly lift it up on my neck...and it was constantly spinning as if i were on a merry-go-round...signs of inflammation showing...bones aching at the joints...throat swelling...argh...

went to see doc on sun morning...MORE panadol!!! more pills!!! well done...

yah...so the weekend was spent in bed most of the time...i can't remember when was the last time that i slept so much...the entire sat night....and almost a whole of sunday...plus a day of MC at home today...

i'm probably letting myself get too tired...studying for the test on friday...and the stupid weather...which, for a moment, is scorching hot and the next moment...it rains like mad...and being so 贩贱...i just refused to sleep earli on friday night after the test...just to stay up and chit chat online until abt 3am... =(


growing damn weak...it always feel so bad when i fell sick...sigh....


get well soon ba...

病了!

woohoo....

wish me luck!!

for a test at 8:30pm!!!

wth right....so late....

无底洞

so often jump in and realise how 'bottomless' it is...it's my 'pit'...still there...okie...maybe i shouldn't use the word 'jump'...i so often accidentally FALL into it time and again...wtf!


having pretty mixed feelings lately...

stressed: coz a test is coming up...

a false sense of security: coz i feel that the test is going to be easy...

emo: coz of no good reason...

feel under-utilized: coz it's really very very slack at work (not that i want but they dun really have alot of things for me to do)

easily irritable: coz there is a limit to everything and if someone gets overboard....*erupt!

confused: coz the mixed feelings are, as they can be seen, REALLy very mixed...



for now...i just have to climb out of the 无底洞 again...sux

dun wanna...

i dun wanna sleep...coz i dunno who would appear in my dreams

i dun wanna dream...coz it's the only place where i would see you

i dun wanna see you...coz i know i would miss you

i dun wanna miss you...coz i know i shouldn't....

..... and it still hurts abit...


i thot memories will fade away with time...but apparently, however dormant they might remain...they would simply erupt with the slightest trigger...a simple photo of someone? a kind exchange of word? a song that was once heard?

all i could do...is to freeze out all those thots...but i can't stop dreamz...

i knew if i dreamt...i would wake up feeling the 'emptiness'...the 心酸...


i probably need something meaningful too....

couldn't find it in work...

couldn't find it in games...

couldn't find it in books....

couldn't find nothing nowhere....



sigh...zs is nothing but an empty shell now....

fill me in...

irritated...

if u can't accept pple's criticisms....then dun criticise others....

if u were not performing well...then dun scold pple for the team's mistakes...

if u think u are that good...then maybe u dun nid others in your team...

.....

fark...i tot playing game is a form of relaxation...but it spoilt my mood for the rest of the night...good thing that the night is ending soon...but i'm really pissed...nobody dictates what i am gonna do...not even in a game...and i always work to benefit everyone....if ur timing and mine can't match...too bad! if u and i just can't cooperate...so sorry...but thatz nobody's fault...if u wanna insist that it's my mistake...well...take a look at urself first...i would dare to say u are no better...maybe worse...take a look!

didn't wanna to talk directly..coz i know it would end up in a quarrel...and i dun really see the point...coz there's really no big deal also...just not happy at the attitude shown...and that attitude is always there...it's a matter of whether he's invoked or not...

maybe it's in the genes...coz i'm like that as well...yesh....i'm talking abt my brother....stupid attitude...always thinks that he's the best...

wtf man!

a star in the making....

haha...i think she's pretty good....yeap~!! pretty !!! and good as well !!! small small size...big big voice....lolz...love her~!!
visit http://zsheng2512.multiply.com/music/item/47 for another of her song (mp3)

"为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名字"

-- 为你写诗 - 吴克群


to 拯救这世界 "濒临绝种" 的浪漫...i tink this song is cool...





certain things are hidden...coz there's no point showing...abit disappointed...coz it's a chance that isn't even realised...oh well...i guess fate does has its way with the naive humans...

i dread...

i dread that another week is starting...just as much as i dread that the weekend is ending... (oh..they refer to the same thing...)

i dread dragging my heavy feet to work...
i dread sitting in the office...
i dread staring at the monitor and feeling empty...
i dread being busy finding things to do...

i dread what's happening to my life....

-----------------

"i got a hole in me now...
i got a scar i can talk about..."

\-- matchbox 20 - Bright Lights

some pretty old song i think...but i feel that 火柴盒20 kinda rox...

eh..the hole in me? it's probably still there(not literally, of coz)...incapable of being filled by anything...anyone...or should i say i still can't find the appropriate something or someone to fill it...

but no...there's no scar i wanna talk about...

just feel that this song has this 'thing' in it that is so appealing to me...probably some past memories invoked...actualli there are some eng songs that sound very familiar to me because i had heard them long before...sometime during pri/early sec sch times...and upon hearing them again after soO many years...they just ring the bell...

-----------------

argh...digressed from my original purpose of this entry...oh well...can't tune back the tone now...

it's just getting too routine bah...the week starts...the week drags...the week ends...and then the next cycle begins...

even though this coming week is a 4 -day week...the feeling is no difference...the only good thing is probably the longer weekend and the no lesson on friday...but there's a test next next friday...and i should really start revising soon...coz i dun really wanna use my last s/u on it...


many decisions made during my yrs in nus...some good /....many bad...and to be frank...there's an awful lot of 后悔 to talk abt if i want...but i've learned to forget all regrets...just curse at them...learn from them...and move on....


a dreadful week ahead...i DO hope it does get better as the time goes by...


a positive note: i'm gonna start on a new book this week...my 4th for the year...

~cheerz

wisdom of words...

"i'm afraid of death, but even more afraid of wasting my life.

i'm afraid of love, because it involves things that are beyond our understanding; it sheds such a brilliant light, but the shadow it casts frightens me."

What If....

What if .....i threw away my hp and vanished from my world for a day...

.....i stop going to work
.....i stop attending sch's lectures
.....i no longer come onto msn
.....i forsake everything i have and disappear


What if my mere absence might not even justify my previous presence?



feeling xtremely insignificant lately....so minute...so invisible...

perhaps i have had been too non-chalant to everything around me....tat now...whatever that were once here started forsakening me...leaving solitude as my only companion...

the gloomy weather is so capable of causing gloomy mood...and it's really hard to smile when u dun feel like it...putting on a mask? it's painstaking....i feel like i'm a person living in 2 worlds...in desperate need to find an equilibrium...or as the chem engineers would term it.."to reach a steady state value"...

perhaps there's no steady state...there are too much 'noises' now and then....disequilibrium seems to be the only constant... the harsh paradox of life...tranquility and peace of mind are so distant...even if what i strive for is just to be simply happy....

perhaps i have contradicting characters...a part of me wants to be simple and carefree...the other yields constant challenges to enrich my life....can i have a good mix of both worlds?

or is my world too small? that it cannot accomodate another person anymore?



i'm fading away...hiding in my own solitude again...

i need a jab of 'life' into me...enchanting life preferrably...



enchant my world? a fairytale needed.....

omg...i'm in love again...

haha..yah...i call this true love...ah yu commented once that i like silly galz...with silly smilez...yah! here'z one... =)oh...her voice is so nice too! ar....i think i'm blushing already...woohoo...

::: abt being appreciative :::

"请不要把别人对你的好 当成理所当然。。。" --- a dialogue from <<原来我不帅>>

how true...but often...humans are really selfish creatures...who only thot abt themselves...and very often...when pple treat them well...they would think tt it's supposed to be that way and forget, altogether, to look things at the other person's perspective...

所谓的 "站在他的立场"

whatever they receive, they take it for granted...and never will they appreciate how much effort was actually put in for that to happen....

okay..dun get me wrong...i'm not saying that whenever someone does or tries to do something for another person...he/she would be expecting some favors in return or he/she might have other motives...well...not everyone is so scheming...most of the time...they are just trying to be nice....and of course...it wouldn't hurt if u show some appreciation of what is being done for u in return...

sincerity can be felt...that...i truly believe....


~ some thotz for the night....

a prodigy

now, this is what i call a prodigy...a swt 6 yr old gal whose voice can move the world...whose voice touches the heart of everyone that listens to her songs...connie talbot...was told by my friend that she was the runner-up of 'British Got Talent' some 1 or 2 yrs back...another comp like the american idol etc..but the thing abt the westerners are that they are more receptive to the extraordinarys...more open to showcases of true talent even if they are extraordinarily young...had all the goosebums when i watch the video...cool...it's been awhile since i felt touched...she's really an angel....

dun promise if u can't fulfill...simple as dat...dun cause unnecessary disappointments...you know not how others would be affected by the words you say...

so say something and mean it...

i dun like hypocrites...haha





~~ jus some thotz for the night... ~~~


GO! Arsenal GO! i hope i wake up tmr and hear good news! yay!

风。叶。树

叶子 - 很爱树，无论日晒雨淋，它都守候在树身边，无时无刻地呵护着树。

树 - 也非常珍惜着叶子。它扩张开手，为了就只是让叶子能享受那暖暖的阳光，看看那广阔的世界。

问世间哪能找到像这样相辅相成，相亲相爱的幸福呢？可是幸福究竟能持续多久？它能否永远吗？而所谓的永远， 真的无期限吗?

风 - 朝日都过着悠哉闲哉，漂浮在空中的生活。它走遍世界各地，寻找的是一种毫无拘束的自由。



风一阵阵无情地吹过，而树也不由自主地摇摆着叶子。叶子在那轻轻的晃动中感觉到风的冷漠与孤寂，但不懂得什么是陪伴的风却狠狠地吹着。树使尽它所有的力量，紧紧地握住叶子， 为眼看就要随风飞去的叶子付出想挽留的最后一份努力。其实，不仅仅是树，叶子它也不想离开树的身边。但无论有千千万万个 “不想”，树与叶子都抵不过风那强劲的吹袭。


终于，叶子还是离开了树。树也失去了叶子。而风，视闻它所造成的一切，懊恼地离去，继续它那无终点的流浪。被狠狠地留在树下的叶子感觉非常得伤.。它只能扬起头，望着呵护它已久的树，心想哪一天，当树有了新的叶时，它就会被遗忘.想着想着，叶子不自觉地掉下了泪。


树也因为叶子的离去而感到从未感觉过的孤独，与世界的冷漠。但树的生命力很强，一眼瞬间，它有开始有了新的叶，也如落下的叶所想的，树渐渐得忘了曾经与它同伴的'落'叶。

此刻， ‘落'叶已欲哭无泪，干枯了。眼看树能从新得到幸福，但给予树幸福的却不是
自己，它是开心的，也是难过的。'落'叶累了。心知树有了新的呵护，'落'叶也安心。它献上永远的祝福， 终于带着那段美好的回忆，离开了。。。






风只是个无情的过客。。。

树拥有坚强的生命力。。。

叶的无限关爱与牺牲。。。







inspired by someone's reciting her story she once wrote....using what's left of zs' own limited chinese...a story abt the leave, the tree and the wind...

Ouch!

argh!!! i have this aching pain in my left shoulder...somewhere in between the left back and neck area...stupid dotA...stupid looking at the laptop screen for some fingerprint matching...stupid sitting in the office whole day and come back home to sit some more in front of my laptop...


help! i'm aging prematuredly...i feel old...and weak...and unhealthy...i need to run...to cycle...to bball...to get myself under the sun...


ouch...it really hurts...





no more expectations that would lead to disappointments...expect nothing and whatever that comes along will be a bonus!

smilez~...

time to start on a new book...

BLINK was quite a good read...learned quite a lot from it...of which i would forget pretty soon also...oh well...my brain is just not built for remembering such things...i read and i forget...but thats not the point...i read for the moment when i'm reading...and i believe those moments are truly worth me picking up a book...

anyway...i think i'm crazy....i got no textbooks to buy this sem...so i splurge on storybooks! omg...i have bought a new book for 3 consecutive fridays...and that gave me a total of 3 books (i hope u can count)...and with my slow reading speed...i can only complete one in every 3 weeks...one's down for now..that leaves me with 2 (oh...simple maths)...so how long more can they last me?

haha...problem sum....primary maths...


but i can tell u, with so much certainty, that the answer is not 6 weeks...first of all....i like to procrastinate...

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sidenote: yan said something interesting abt procrastination last friday...it's abit crude...and sexual....BUT....here it is..."procrastinating is just like m*st**b*tion. you are just f**king yourself..." whoo....wat an analogy!!! how appropriate?!?!?! (anyway, i hope i masked enough alphabets to make it less...hmm...offending to those who like to procrastinate...wahaha...)

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okay...back to the pt...yah...i'm quite a lazy fellow when i decide to be less disciplined...i procrastinate (without the pun intended...)...but when i decide to do something...i would be like....all out for that...so there's really no definite answer to how long that will last me...



lets hope i dun buy another one this friday...