What If....

What if .....i threw away my hp and vanished from my world for a day...

.....i stop going to work
.....i stop attending sch's lectures
.....i no longer come onto msn
.....i forsake everything i have and disappear


What if my mere absence might not even justify my previous presence?



feeling xtremely insignificant lately....so minute...so invisible...

perhaps i have had been too non-chalant to everything around me....tat now...whatever that were once here started forsakening me...leaving solitude as my only companion...

the gloomy weather is so capable of causing gloomy mood...and it's really hard to smile when u dun feel like it...putting on a mask? it's painstaking....i feel like i'm a person living in 2 worlds...in desperate need to find an equilibrium...or as the chem engineers would term it.."to reach a steady state value"...

perhaps there's no steady state...there are too much 'noises' now and then....disequilibrium seems to be the only constant... the harsh paradox of life...tranquility and peace of mind are so distant...even if what i strive for is just to be simply happy....

perhaps i have contradicting characters...a part of me wants to be simple and carefree...the other yields constant challenges to enrich my life....can i have a good mix of both worlds?

or is my world too small? that it cannot accomodate another person anymore?



i'm fading away...hiding in my own solitude again...

i need a jab of 'life' into me...enchanting life preferrably...



enchant my world? a fairytale needed.....