oh...i seriously need to get some goals in life...

coz i believe that once i've found what i really want..i will definitely go all out to strive and achieve that..

a pity that i haven't found any...or i haven't gone on the journey to find them...the clock ticks by and i'm still me...breathing air...eating junks...taking up space...all input but no output...

thinking abt minoring in econs again...hmm...that means taking one more ec mod next sem when i already have 5 cores...that means another 6 mod killer sem...that means another almost burnt out sem...that means less time to play...no time to feel stress (see the irony here)...that means less billiard and more books...that means either ec2021 or ec2022(hope i didn't the code wrong)...

so many implications...hoho...i better think twice...anyway..still got time to decide...

surprisingly good results this sem...or at least i thought so..despite the kind of condition i felt during the papers...

so beautiful...

the female lead in the show is so pretty...cute also...haha

oh yah...my latest love: Han Chae Young...

a supper @ bukit panjang coffee shop after a mahjong session with ghim song andy and zhihao...chem eng friends...(one uni friend, one army friend and one sec sch friend)...

the mahjong session was okay...they jio-ed...so i went..coz hand abit itchy also...been a long time since i last played...last session was in the month of march...and it's my 1st time playing since the hols...small loss...overall the game was small...no big win by anyone..haha...sianz...

2nd night straight sleeping at 4am...damn...haven't been running at all...not even once so far..plain lazy to get up early...esp when i sleep so late every night...what the hell...

maybe i really need to get some routine back in life...simply wasting life away aimlessly...

next week!!! i shall start running...serious!!!

why do i have to wait until i am very very very tired then can sleep?

stop torturing me...i shall go running tmr then go billiard...

if time is the only cure, then i would be on long time medication...

i would be terminally illed...then i would opt for euthanasia...

please...end the suffering once and for all...

it aint easy to forget what had happened...

history...memories hurt...

假装 = an alternative? 假装 that nothing has happened...everything is as before? friends are still friends...it's just escaping from reality....


anyone wanna watch da vinci...x men...with me? and Daisy..if it's still showing in the theatres...

back from taiwan..but i aint gonna blog about it here i guess...coz it's gonna be lengthy...shall write it down on paper this time...a travel journal...same as ah yu...lolz...

All i have to say is that it's been a trip that could have been better....but it's still a good trip overall...contented...

if you wanna read my journal...ask me when i'm in a good mood...i may lend it to you...

=)

throat aint feeling good these days....got abit dry and sore...and a running nose...think drinking more h2o will cure it...i hope...dun wan it to become worse....

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||| 26% Stability |||||||||||| 50% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 63% Intellectual |||||||||||| 50% Mystical |||||||||||| 43% Artistic |||||| 23% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 70% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||| 16% Need to dominate |||||| 30% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63% Wealth |||||||||||| 43% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76% Individuality |||||||||| 36% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 70% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||| 77% Histrionic |||||||||||| 43% Paranoia |||||||||||| 43% Vanity |||||||||||| 43% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||| 30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
clean, secretive, does not make friends easily, observer, hates large parties, risk averse, perfectionist, reclusive, solitude loving, more practical than abstract, does not like to stand out, high self control, intellectual, mind over heart, very cautious, takes precautions, respects authority, irritable, emotionally sensitive

the MV is so sad...

whilst waiting for my hair to dry again, here i am, doing the usual stuff that help me pass the dreadful time of wanting to sleep but can't.

The day before my flight to taipei. Woke up late and the dream (see previous entry). Went lot 1 to meet ah lu (taoz) to exchange taiwan NT currency...19.88 only...think SGD depreciating..hmm..anyway...changed 8000 NT...think i won't spend all also...after which...we parted...ah lu went home while i went to 'da bao' KFC Zinger for my brother and myself...

the later part of the day was spent at home...watching this korean drama called "秘密男女" which my mom is watching...quite nice lehz...this type of stupid korean show...about a modern "cinderella" finding her prince charming...and fought for a dream to come thru...the female lead was portrayed with a admirable and respectable character...the same female lead of the "新娘十八岁" that is showing on channel U...very cute...single eyelid...

okay..then at about evening...went off to bugis to meet weiguang chunyen kev jianxiong jinyan dawn qizhi..my jc 1st 3 month friends for a supposed steamboat dinner...

as usual..the late comers were late...the usual early arrivals didn't disappoint...so..the few of us went to shop for the long overdue bday presents for the april bday babies...3 of them...and jx happily signed for all three presents...a converse england sling bag for kev...a nike carrier bag for jy...and a wallet shop "dunno waht brand" pink wallet for qz...

haha...the supposed steamboat ended up to become a dinner at the V8 restaurant...plus a long wait-cum-chat outside sakae before that...anyway...the V8 serves quite good western food for rather cheap price...had a mushroom spaghetti...if you are not filthy rich but would like to have some better food...this is the place...

well..then we went to a quiet bar in this alley just across the street called the C.A.N cafe or what...oldies music...but we tuned the radio on the second floor to some techno...dance music (dun really know the genre)...anyway...they served drinks at reasonable prices....well...at least there is no service charge...and the 50 bucks per bottle champagne that dawn and jy ordered was not bad either...

then one of the waitress is damn kawaii...cute...the gal-next-door type...nice figure...super blur also...when we called for our bill..she gave us the wrong one....not once...but twice...and the second one was a 13-14 bucks bill for a bottle of champagne...5 stella and a mocha(dunno what qz ordered)...haha...later on jx found out that that her 1st day @ work there...no wonder so blur...

maybe i should go back to that place someday when i got back from taiwan...go get her number...haha...looks quite sweet...1st impression: a nice gal...

anyway...after that...we parted our ways...dawn and jy to phuture for a free-pass night from dawn's friend...while the rest went home...managed to catch the last train to JE and the last train from JE to home...

hmm...12 hours more and i will be onboard jetstar...to taiwan...excited? nope...happy? abit...actually quite looking forward to this trip when having exams...but the enthusiam dies down abit...i always feel that it would be even more fun if pj jj kokz and not forgetting tiongz can go with us...aint the guys from shaggerz who can turn the whole world upside down wherever they go? now with the strength reduced to 3..the power is definitely decreased...the world wun turn upside down...but maybe inside out!!!

haha...

alrite...off to bed...remind me to pack my handphone charger into my bag tmr...

i hope i never miss out anything important...

hmm...may the C.A.N gal appear in my dream tonight...

i had a dream last night. in fact, i just woke up from the dream. it's been a while since i last dreamt. i don't like to dream. coz i always dream of persons i miss. i dreamt of her in this. and a stranger, who played the chinese 'qin' like playing a guitar. i was in the midst of some chinese lesson while i went out halfway, carrying loads of bags and stuff.

meaningless dream. haha. but it reflects something, doesn't it? carrying loads of stuffs leaving halfway == leaving for ROC tmr while i still have some incompleted things(though i'm not sure what). her. though i dreamt of her, we never talk or maybe i just chose not to talk. anyway, it's minute matter.

the stranger felt real though. haha. the entire dream felt real. and the funny thing is it continued on after i was waken up by the alarm clock and felt back to sleep.

anyway, i'm leaving tmr afternoon. 1pm flight.

haha...went thru many of my past blog entries that still exist in the archives...so many meaningless stuffs that only i can understand...so many memories that i chose to 'pen' them down in a little corner of this worldwide web...

2004 was a very 'down' year for me...i was 'sadded'...got lost...

2005 saw a somewhat revived me i think...but there were still loads of ups and downs...but definitely more soul searching that at least brought back part of me...

2006 - not yet ended...in fact, it's only halfway thru...still having my usual ups and downs...but am learning to face them with a lighter heart...aint taking things as hard and persistent as i used to...maybe i have learnt that there are simply too many things in this world that are beyond my control...i have learnt to be brave...daring...for i dun wanna have anymore regrets in life...i have learnt to pick myself up when i fall...

and i know things can only get better from now on...it's important to be optimistic...if you had given up on yourself...no one else can help you...

nua @ home is also an enjoyment...

reasons why i dun like to organise activities:

1. it is so freaking hard to even get 3 persons to reply your sms or msn msg to confirm if they are free for mahjong...it's either their freaking handphones are spoilt...or they are simply nua-ing @ home with their hp turned off or silent...and their msn spoilt...i dunno...maybe pple just wanna shut themselves off from others or it's just me...

2. it's hard to get a common time when everyone is free for the common activity...

3. it's hard to find pple with common interests...

4. it's HARD to please everyone...

----------------------------------------

thatz why i like to play billiard...coz pj, kokz and me will definitely go if free...common interest...

thatz why i choose to nua @ home and wait for pple to jio me...and if i'm in the right mood...i will happily join them...i think i am quite a neutral guy when it comes to activities..except for some that are beyond my abilities....other than that...and illegal stuff...i njoy most of what we normally do as a group....

thatz why sometimes, i prefer to do things alone...call me a loner if you want...but there are just somethings like runnin...swimming...'objective shopping' that i will gladly do them on my own....

friends getting fewer and fewer? maybe...but that'z just life i guess...good friends are hard to come by...some choose to stay...while some decide to leave...it's he/she who decide whether to stay or go....but i do treasure everyone that happens to cross my path...

yah...i have finish the 39 episodes 七剑 in less than a week...remarkable feat...it's quite a good show...only that the ending is not so much of an end coz it's only the 上部...there is going to be a 下部 i guess...

in the end...most people died...lolz...good guys and bad guys...

杨云聪 died...飞红巾 died...the kids died...

the saddest thing in the show is that 飞红巾 died for the man whom she loves but the man loves someone else...she was so 伟大...and foolish...a very strong character in the show...and when i say strong...i dun mean strength...but character-wise...persistent...strong-willed...

i tend to find gals with strong character...those 倔强, 冷漠, and seldom-smile type of gal attractive...of coz..there must be moments for them to, at least, smile at me lar...haha...

anyway...蔡少芬 as 飞红巾 appeals to me...a very sad lady in desert...with loads of responsibility for her tribe...fell in love in the 青干剑 swordsman...杨云聪...someone who was abit 优柔寡断...too self-sacrificing for those around him...

tragic...

whats next after finishing the dvd? burn it!!! ...hmm...off to taiwan for the most of next week...njoy!!

七剑下天山


my latest love: 飞红巾

First of all, happy belated bday, mum!! It falls on 7th May and as always, my brother and i brought her to Teck Whye for a simple 'zi cha'(hokkien) dinner. The fresh prawns, groupa, and the not-so-fresh crabs. But this year's slightly different coz we brought along our grandma as my mom wanted to 'shui bian' celebrate mother's day with her. 2 of my uncles came along too. A simple meal on a simple Sunday evening. But it felt good to be spending some quality time with your family, isn't it?

Oh yah. On my way home after the dinner, I saw yanz and her family at the other 'zi cha' store along that stretch of road. What a coincidence. Actually, i didn't notice her until she called out to me. Haha. Was kinda surprised.


happy bday to you again, my beloved mum! i love you!

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Well, an update on what have i been doing for the past 2 days. Played my fm06 finally after about half a year of break from it. It feels good to be winning again, even in a virtual game. Gonna have a few last moments of satisfaction in command of Arsenal, bringing it to greater heights before i finally reformat my laptop.

Been busy backing up stuffs in my comp too. 4 GB plus of songs that can actually last for 60 plus hours if ran without shuffle. Even more memory being happily taken up by my Bleach and S.H.E video clips, as well as some random video clips here and there. Not to forget those many many photos taken on various occasions, sent to me from various people, many of which simply residing in a corner in my folder. It's been a great time backing up such stuffs. A moment of self-reflection, deciding on memories that i should let go, things that i should carry with me to the next phase of my life. Sorting out these messy folders was nevertheless a chore.. And the problematic comp of mine kept giving me problems when i tried to burn them into dvds. Well, anyway, most part of this backing up phase is done. Next, get the antivirus and crack from Craig. Actually having second thoughts about if i should really format it. Partly it's bcoz i'm afraid that i might miss out something important when backing up and end up losing some stuff that i might need. And becoz the 3rd season with Arsenal in fm06 has been so successful till now that i would kinda want to continue with the game. Haha.

Oh, a piece of good news: Arsenal finished the season 4th a 4-2 win over wigan with Henry scoring a hattrick and Tottenham lost to West Ham 2-1. So, even if Arsenal didn't not win the Champ League, they will still feature in the competition next season, with or without Henry. Of course, the best win-win situation would be for them to beat Barca in the finals on 17th May. This seems to be the only way to keep their captain with them for another exciting season.

Okay. Besides all these, i have been busy watching dvds. No! Not 大长今. I only watched bits and pieces of that when my mum and brother were watching. Not too bad a show, but 60 episodes are way too many and i missed quite alot of it too. Okay, the one that i am watching is 七剑下天山. It about the 7 swords that featured in the "Seven Swords" movie not so long ago. It tells the stories about the 7 swordsmen. Still going to it. Not soo bad. I always like 'gu zhuang' shows.

Okay. I guess it's about time for bed. Going sim lim and then to Craig's house later. Maybe a run in the morning also. Haha.

PS: Notice my proper punctuation and 'almost' standard English spelling? Haha...just a sidenote to you in case you are so farking blur that you never notice that.

"恨我来不及参于你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半"

--世界唯一的你 - 曹格


"I will go on without her
like a fool who’s too sure
I‘m like a bird who’s lost her wing
A fire without its flame

I don‘t know how to be strong
When my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
Now that she’s gone
what’s left of us is this song"

-- Now That She's Gone - 林俊杰
_____________________________________________

these are the 2 songs that have been constantly and 'manually' repeated by my windows media player...esp the latter...been having this jj'z album for quite some time but haven't really listened to all the songs...except for some selectively few...didn't come across this song...which lately seems to appeal to me so much...

my friend asked me why my msn nick always sound so sentimental...well..how should i reply him? haha...so many things have happened lately...that i'm even confused at how i feel or how i ought to have felt sometimes...it's a mixed feeling bah...

in a way...i'm glad that i have done what i should...but then again...i think that i should have done far more than what i have done....

=)

pardon me for not making it to clear here...coz i aint sure who view my blog on a frequent basis...and i dun wanna reveal so much....all i can say is that some emotional issues have gotten me tangled in the past 1-2 months...but it's already resolved...or should i say almost resolved...

hmm...this sem break shall prove its worth while i try to recuperate from whatever hurts i have inflicted upon myself...

if there is one thing that i hate about myself...it would have to be that i always take too long....

too long to realise...
too long to understand...
too long to be ready...
too long to heal my wounds...
too long to accept...
too long to let go...


胡思乱想ing is so deteriorating to the mind..it shall be 'imprisoned'...

逃避ing is not a solution...it merely prolongs and worsens the existing situation...it shall be 'exiled'


快乐ing is a new motto that i will adopt towards my life...i will be happily doing things i like and njoy myself at the expense of no one...i will not let my mood be affected by pple around...coz i definitely deserved to be so...

am i a sensitive guy? is sensible a better word? whats the difference? lolz...to be frank...i think i am both...sensitive to how others may feel...as in, i won't let a situation developed until it's too embarassing for someone....sensible to how i should react...perhaps too sensible that often, i choose not to react in anyway...

anyway...if it makes you happy...i would gracefully and gladly wish you happiness...else, at least you still have me as a friend whom (if you wish and trust me) you can confide in...

meanwhile, i will lead my life...as the sun rises in the east...as the earth revolves abt its axis...as the moon rotates abt the earth...as monday leads to tuesday and to wednesday and thursday and friday and saturday and finally sunday...

one thing i dun like about a night's out is that i would be damn tired...and when i reached home...and bathed...i still had to wait till my hair is dry before i sleep...

it's been a long day...

bball in morning till noon...slacked at home after that watching DCJ (大长今)...not too bad a show...the female lead is quite pretty...li yin ai...demure...i like...

lolz....

then went out to chinatown for ktv....then supper at geylang....

tmr going to play billiard in the morning again....how shiok....simply love whacking the balls in...=)

i think i can be slightly happier than before...

'i am happy when i think i am happy'...this shall be my living motto from now on....

hmm...it's so unlike me for not putting up a post after my last paper...a change? maybe a good one...that i wun blog that often...which signals that i dun haf so many 心事 anymore...

but then again...i can blog about happy things also right? ha...oh well...

for the last paper...i shan't comment...it's a disaster, 3rd to cs...coz maths has taken the 2nd spot...

but last paper was always done in a half-hearted mood...after the paper...we went off to holland v...me shiyao alvin daniel jialiang enping for a simple full nydc lunch...we chatted...and they chatted about the coming election...lolz...and the not very politically interested me just listen lorz...haha...after that...a few of them went back to sch (for f*** ?? haha...excuse my vulgarity..it's just me...) and i went off to west coast RC..my hideout...met pj for a few games to billiard(snooker)....it was a good session...was quite surprised that i still have a bit of the feel and touch despite not playing for close to a month...played for like 6 games from 2plus to 6...and went home...

slack slack slack slack....

wanting to 'revive' my laptop to its original state...it's rather slow now...

shall embark on my laptop revival programme...

stage 0.5(ongoing): sorting out my messy 'life' ..hmm...folders...
stage 1: backing up
stage 2: getting the necessary antivirus and spyware programs from friend
stage 3: see feng shui on when is a good time to format so that nothing goes terribly wrong
stage 4: format
stage 5: install protection software
stage 6: install programs that i would use
stage 7: repeat steps 3-6 ... hahaha

no lar...by then...my laptop should be good and going...

maybe i should up the ram also...shall see how...



9am....i go play bball le...

happily me

gonna miss this look of my desk for some months...goodbye...it's been nice having you with me for these 2-3 weeks....i think i had spent more time with 'you' than anyone else...

gibberish post just says that i'm totally burnt out during this wonderful 6-module-sem2-chem-eng-yr1...need a breather from all those hectic study schedule...it's worse than those bball trainings in bp..in aj...

those running around the sci lab block...those 扎马...those shuffling of feets...those 四则 on courts...those jumping around like mad men..those hopping over your fellow team-mates....those routine ball controls and drills....

yah...all these and those can't even match a hard 3 days of hardcore CN XXXX....hmm...yah...very hardcore lar...can't take it le...

tmr is the final day to mug...then i would be off to the slaughter ground...waiting to be whacked alive....

off to bed for a better tmr...

adieus....

i just wanna have some fun and smile...

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argh...i have seen the question before...done it before..reviewed it several times before...and still...i can't do the question...well done, zhansheng...

the 'magic' in cn1111...you simply dunno what to do...how to draw the flow chart...what variables to label...which unknowns to find...which wonderful equations to use...

haha...it's driving me crazy....crraaazzzzyyyyy!!!!!!

c
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seriously wish that wednesday can be over soon...

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