wat a day.

30 Aug 2008.

wat a day. very mixed feelings. sometimes happy, sometimes sad. sometimes confused. sometimes clear.

happy that i am here.

sad that things will move on from here.

confused about how i wanna carry on from here.

and clear that everything will have to move on from here.

hahaz. it's really very mixed. and all these emotions are churning in my stomach! (need to go toilet!)

haiz. feeling like i'm falling sick soon. easily feel cold man.

anyway. on a brighter note, my 2nd uncle has waken up today. (did i mention that my 2nd uncle got hospitalised yest?) apparently, it's not tat serious. not a 2nd stroke that the doc suspected. the reason for him falling unconscious is still not known. need further diagnosis i think. but glad that he's fine now.

hmm. just got the sad feeling when i saw him tear. it's really sad to see how patients get so depressed and annoyed with themselves. coz they thot they have become a burden to the family. that they are a liability and of no use. haiz. and it's not an easy task to try to make them dun feel this way. wat we can do, is to stay by their side and constantly remind them that we would also feel sad when we see them get so depressed.

haiz. lets just all look on the bright side of life! yay!

Sometimes When We Touch

Sometimes When We Touch
(Rod Stewart)

You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly then mislead you with a tie
And who am I to judge you on what you say or do
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy keeps me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity some tenderness survive
I'm just another writer still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prizefighter still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you and drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through and hold you endlessly

At times I understand you and I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you and I've watched love pass you by
At times think we're drifters still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister but then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

happy brithday!!!!

yay! A 'HAPPY BDAY' post to a friend!

smilez and stay happy, as always!

Goodbye Beijing 2008, welcome London 2012

24 Aug 2008.

today marks the closing of Beijing 2008. yah.16 days of exciting, record-breaking, historical events. coolz. the next Olympics will be in LONDON! damn. maybe i should start planning a 2012 trip there. haha.



haiz. suddenly lost my thots on what i wanna blog abt.

hmm. something abt many many 'ttyl' that didn't happen. perhaps it has been used so commonly that the word 'later' has lost its original meaning. yep. im someone who is very careful with the choice of word. haha. so if i dun intend to talk later, i would say 'next time'. haha. like it or not. i'm very very very troublesome one!

anyway. i think i know whatz the problem with me. i often do too much. and am too soft. yep. too much! and too soft!

i must learn to be more brutal! haha!

i think i can read mind.

lolz. thatz a ridiculous thot. but i think i can read mind.

but then again. no one to justify with me if i'm really accurate. hahaz. maybe it's just that i think too much. too deep. that i covered all possible scenarios and that one of them should somehow hit wat the mind is thinking. wateva lar! so much so for this, i can't figure out my own mind. i dunno what i'm thinking sometimes.

argh! sch started for 2 weeks already! and i'm still doing nothing but fyp stuff ONLY. and 'doing' just means going thru whatever thatz already there. so essentially, i have done nothing to it yet!

sigh. i miss my intern dayz. so carefree. so funz. so cool.

but now? can't free up the mind. coz it's always pre-occupied with things. sch and stuff. argh!

week 3! here i come!!!

wah lauz

it's getting on my nerves!!

kauz. but it's good this way. it makes things so much easier for me.



flaws. flaws. flaws. argh! but why do i like all these flaws? shark! it sux! so irritating lar!

19 Aug 2008 - Deutsche Bank

19 Aug 2008.

Went for the deutsche bank networking session today. quite an eye opener. enriching experience talking to a few of the pple. i mean i really went there with almost zero knowledge of investment banking and well, i did managed to learn something here and there after listening.

essentially, it all boils down to one thing: interest and drive. (okay, thatz 2 things i know! but they have to work hand-in-hand). yep. if u have it, u will definitely have the right kind of attitude in the things you do.

hmm. engineers are a bunch of 'too practical' pple. not risk takers (i mean, u can just look at the magnitude of safety factor they factor into their design calc. haha. not so appropriate comparison. but my pt is that engineers are all too pragmatic.) well. i think i'm kinda pragmatic too. probably thatz why i'm still coping quite well in this field of study.

haiz. yr 4 is the yr to start job hunting. sourcing info here and there to find where THAT interest of yours lie. and in fact, i was told something thatz quite true today. that many pple just don't know where their true interest is. they would think that they like this job. but in no time, they would get sick and tired of it and begin finding it a chore rather. maybe the interest is there. but it's hard to sustain. and once it begins to get routine. pple get bored and disinterested. thatz why we need challenges every now and then. stagnation is a no-no! humans are greedy freaks who are never content with the current state of life.

anyway. (i digressed from my pt again.) the point is: it might be a good thing to keep ur options open. and attend as many career talks as possible to widen the horizon. who knows, u might find THAT job that u like soo much and that which might bring u your 1st million!

haha.

i think i'm quite an overviewer. nvr good at details. i always like to see the big picture. i wonder what job will suit me. still searching. exxon!!! do you want me? haha.


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i'm tired. very very very tired. i realise i have alot of things to do. just that i don't wanna do. shall focus myself more! jiayou!!

Go Away! Mr Murphy.

18 Aug 2008.

Good Friend, Mr Murphy is at work again. he did well today. perhaps sensational!

well. things didn't quite go my way today either. i didn't gek my gek slotz. 1st and 3rd choice. and i only got my 5th eg choice slotz. splendid! and the funnie thing is, me and my friends are all going to diff tut slotz despite some careful plannings to do tutz together. AND! and and there goes my 3-day week plan. gotta take gek tut on thurs. no choice. i mean i can't really appeal for a wed one, with reason being that i wan my thurs free? can i? shark! aiyah. but on a better note: i still can have 3-day week on alternate weeks, or even every week, if i choose to skip the tutz. haha. (thatz how to self deceive and make urself feel better!)

okay. problem might seems relatively negligible to whoever's having a bad day. but my pt is, why dun u just "draw a new face and laugh" (to quote from Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours"). yep. laugh it off. *shrugz. find the person who can make u happy. coz every word he/she says will miraculously bring a smile to your face. hmm. i guess everyone knows who that person of yours is. dun be shy. just go find him!

ha. and dun go find someone who can do nutz. he's not going to be able to help. coz even if he did a million things, you know that he's not gonna be able to make u feel better. BUT even if it's a single small thing that the 'designated' person do/say, it can easily outweigh the former's efforts. it's called min effort leading to max output. ha.

watever the case. cheerz!

just hope everything will be fine.

Money Not Enough 2

17 Aug 2008.

Went to watch "Money Not Enough 2" with my parents today. quite a nice movie. very touching. and i must say, Jack Neo really knows how to relate to the common pple. He understands the problems they face in their everyday life and portrays them in a way everyone can relate to. though some are exaggerated to add spices to the plot. but the underlying message that he wants to convey is very genuine and clear.

well. i shan't disclose too much of the storyline. but yep. very much family-focused as usual. but this time, it's relevant to the ageing population problem that sg currently faces. with the younger generation not wanting or not capable of caring for the old. hmm.

and yah, the movie shows that being poor doesn't mean unhappy. i think that's very important. there's this scene when ah hui's entire family chased after the bus (after he lost money in his business and sold his car), carrying bags of supermarket cheap items, all smiley on the faces. so touching! i almost cried lar! i mean, u can really feel that happiness. genuine!

very impressed by Jack Neo. he is nvr NOT quoted by the Prime Minister in the National Day Rally! kudos to his effort in making good local films.


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okay. that movie aside. i think i really suck! lost focus since last night and have yet to find it back. and logging in to facebook is not helping. in fact, it's detrimental!!! sux!

16 Aug 2008.

2nd attempt at drawing. scaled down by 1 000 000 times!!! yep. this time i drew is damn damn small. really NOT easy. and wat more. i dun have an 'artist' hand BUT what i have is a pair of rugged 'bballer' hands. and i held my pencil so tight that my right hand aches now.

lao le....

14 Aug 2008.

hmmz. went to play bball in sch today with ru de and his friends. all i can say is. i'm super weak already. i can't rem when was the last time i played with the bp gang. but i predict it's at least more than half a yr ago. anyway. i had a small sprain in my left hand ring finger. and still suffering my loose right knee cap from a short 2 hr plus session. sigh. wat to do? when u have no strength, u can't do shiit. every shot becomes inaccurate. every run at the basket becomes a tedious task. every guarding becomes a chore and a half-hearted attempt.

well. really need to kick in some exercise regime already. in a way, it will keep me busy and focus for that few good hours. and satisfaction, if the game was good. haha.

sigh. i scratched my glasses today when playing. was so sad. 1st time scratch. 心痛! haiz. really very sad.

watever the case, bball is NOT a barbaric sports. i used to play it with elegance! haiz. but watever larz. not impt. u dun know how to appreciate.

she told me she is sianz of her lab work. well, she's always like this. but wat to do. since it's something u decided on, u gotta work it thru ba. there are bound to be regretz. coz pple always find the grass greener on the other side. so the problem now is, the other side dun belong to u. u can only make ur side greener and greener as the days go by. (kena complained for quoting...wth!)

work hard!

i have to work hard too!

Better Man

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

fall in love

An excerpt from Adrian Tan's (a litigation lawyer at one of Singapore's top law firms) speech at NTU's convocation ceremony this year. got it from yan'z email. oh man, he's crap but he talks sense. i'm so impressed. anyway, here's a small part abt "fall in love"

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"The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say 'be loved'. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it."

06 Aug 2008.

wat a day. fought a stupid battle for the entire day. enemy = java. and i'm glad to say it turned out victorious. it's really stupid though. coz it's really very lucky that i found the solution. perhaps it's not even a full solution but i'm at least glad for now. at least now i can edit and compile to code. and this will great enhance my ability to understand them. well, i really feel stupid. and it's only the installing software and stuff phase. like preparation stage, and i'm already encountering problems. wth.

i realize i really need to keep myself busy with work. only then that i will think less. only then that i will not hslx.

i miss the smiley zs also. can someone bring him back?

04 Aug 2008

i just need someone who is sincere in what he/she says.

who doesn't disappear suddenly in the midst of a conversation without informing.

who means every single word he/she says and not just for the purpose to 敷衍.



coz i'm really confused. i dunno when is it a lie or when is it the truth. and merely laughing off a qn asked isn't very sincere. at least not to me. i dunno. i dun wanna think anymore. it's been too much for my pea-sized brain. i dun wanna feel anymore. it's punctuating holes into my heart.



"it may not last but i don't know. i just don't know..."

03 Aug 2008.

i'm very tired today. Abit of hangover from last night. too much pilsner lager from brewerkz. too much chivas. argh. headache.

another fj activity that i should quit. dying.

01 AUG 2008.

hmm. i guess i would miss a blog entry on sat coz we (shgrz) will be having this bbq-and-get-dead-drunk party over at craig's hse. well, not dead drunk, but high. (you know what i need yah.)

it's been a totally non-productive Friday. i dunno but i really feel kinda lost and directionless since yest, after meeting up with Aaron. i guess there's really soo much i'm expecting myself to know for the fyp coz i wanna do a good job. one thatz good enough for a 1st class honors. and even better, if the prof is willing to work and spend more time with me, who knows, maybe an A+ fyp? but i guess i'm not so greedy. for i know if that's the case, the amt of effort that i have to put in will be tremendous. i can settle for an A- minimum. yep, the entire jadex and the ss chain simulation model thingy that has been done by the predecessors are so overwhelming that i feel momentarily lost and dunno what to do.

argh. the stress is killing me. i hope the 'lost' feeling can subside fast. and after the weekend, i will be back with new and stronger fighting will. oh before i forget
and really, it's time like this when u feel that how good would it be if u are not facing it alone. how nice if you could have someone to gently stroke ur hair and say "everything will turn out fine". sadly, the situation isn't the ideal.


oh before i forget...this is quite fun...haha...i'm amazed and amused at what i came up with http://www.mcdonalds.com.hk/english/campaign/shogunwithegg/view.asp?mid=7078&cid=121514&