don't make me feel so insignificant...so unimportant...

it hurts...as much as i dun wanna think abt it...it still hurts...

"hahahahahaz!!! we beri close meh!?!?!?!"

obviously...we are not...

but can't you even tell that i'm trying to bring us closer?

with me trying to ask you out...indvly...in grps...and with all sorts of reasons that seem natural...or sometimes spontaneous...i just wanna spend more time knowing you and give u the chance to know me....but apparently it's not happening....you always got a reason to turn me down...

be it blading.
another dinner.
or a movie thatz abt to go onscreen.
or sun yanzi's concert.

and i dun understand how u can have so many meetings with friends that can easily stretch over 2 weeks...and when i tried to ask u in advance for a movie date...u told me to see how when the date draws nearer (when it's like just within a week away)

i dunno if it's intentionally or wat...but it sure makes me demoralized...

i have to admit...i'm really losing steam...

and pple ard me are giving me very different advices...

some encouragements....some telling me to move on....

i'm really at a loss still...


hmm....maybe getting closer with me is not wat you want...i dunno....but i only know that i'm not exactly ready to give up hope yet...i dunno how it will turn out...but i guess the time may not be right afterall....

ecp

went ecp for blading today....with hong keat, wenyong, junhao and anqi...

well....fell a few times....but none as hard as how i have fallen for you....

if only jiayou helps

i really think that the game called 'love' isn't something anyone is capable with...

i hate to regard love as a game...but in many aspects...it sure resembles one...


it's full of uncertainties!

there's no hard and fast rule!

there's no sure win formula!

and sometimes, even efforts just go down the drain!


i think it has got alot to do with timing....the amount and type and interval of efforts....

timing is the thing i cannot quite catch....coz most of the time...i dunno wat the ger is thinking...and mind reading is nvr my forte!


argh! it's kinda torturing me!

but i'm still gonna try...coz i still believe in this thing called 'Love'...and until the day that i found my true love....i will keep on trying!

the 1st date

well, with regards to this first date with her, i actually have loads of mixed feelings about it. did it turn out good or not? i really couldn't tell. there were moments of laughters, moments of awkward silence. and i even sensed a little bit of frustration towards the end. whether was it frustration towards me? or due to the warm weather? or simply becoz things didn't totally go smoothly (there were some cok-up but funnie moments)? no matter what the reason, i really couldn't tell and i don't know.

hmm. we met for a ramen dinner @ the central shopping mall in clarke quay. the food was good. so no problem with that. after the meal, we walked over the liang court coz i thought of introducing the yuzu (pomelo) sorbet ice cream at gelato in the mediya jap supermarket. had a bit of ice cream testing there. and we ended up getting a yuzu for myself and a green tea for her.

next we walked over to find a spot to sit down along the river. where we had some small chats and finished off the ice cream. hmm. how should i say. there were some moments when both of us didn't know what to say. and from all the non-verbal gestures that i observed, it seemed that she was not receptive to me.

when the warm started getting to us, i suggested to go check out if the teh-peng that she mentioned was nice was still open. and as expected it wasn't. so while we thought and couldn't really find a place to go, she asked if i wanted to go home already. then i suggested that we walk to the Art House for a drink for the warm night. well, she didn't seem to mind. so we started making our way there. only to later realize that we aint familiar with the road.

we ended up walking the exact opposite direction. until we reach UE sq where her shoe strap broke. i could tell that with that, and the night's heat, she was getting quite irritated and frustration. though i don't know if i contribute to that also.

and so, we walked back and ended up in the mac in liang court where i bought her a green tea while i went to get super glue for her to glue her shoe back. i mean that was the only nice thing i could do right?

anyway. the night didn't last long from then (it wasn't very early already anyway). had a little bit more of rest before we made way for home. i insisted on sending her home. (something which i feel a gentleman should do on a 1st date). so we took the NE line until hougang mrt where she so coincidentally saw her brother. so it all ended there. i didn't get the chance to walk her further. and something that irritated me at that moment was that i actually felt that she felt a sign of relief when she saw her brother. anyway. i passed her the choc that i wanted to give to her there before i turned and made my way home.

so that was all abt the date.

we exchanged some sms-es and chatted abit more online before i went to bed. very abrupt chats on msn as usual. with her ending the conversation so quickly.



i may read alot into pple's responses to me. coz i believe that they really tell alot about how that person thinks of u. how they regard u. how significant are u. yepz. and all i can say abt her responses to me are that she is not forthcoming.

i have been trying. making the effort. which i don't think she can't tell at all. but i don't feel her reciprocating that yet. maybe not yet. maybe she will nvr.

and our msn conversations have sort of become like that also. always me initiating the chat. and always her ending it abruptly.

so tell me what do these mean? am i reading too much into it again?

maybe i already know the answer, but i simply refuse to accept it until she tells that to me directly.

i always have this problem.

i dunno. i really dunno. dunno how she thinks. dunno what i should do. dunno how should i do what i should do. even though many pple have given me advice. i am still pretty much at a loss.


dun intend to push too hard.

but please be less harsh on me. i just need a very obvious sign. then i will know what i should do.

i'm actualli feeling nervous...

like preparing for an interview...

i dunno why...

just hope everything goes well and as natural as possible...

=)

i dunno if it's becoz it's convenient or for some other reason...

i really think it's not a cool idea to put 2 dinner dates into one same one...

even if i know the other party..that doesn't mean i dun mind being in such a situation...

i'm still trying to figure out the rationale...good or bad...i dunno...i would nvr know...

it's either she's blur or i'm reading too much...

either way...tatz not really the way i would desire it to happen...