i think i must say this....林志炫 really writes nice and meaningful songs....

"曾经我费尽心思 走到你心门口
我努力努力 这门槛 我却始终扩不过
我悄悄回到发现爱是太执著
把路透踏破 我进退两难 我进退两难"


进退两难 - lin zhi xuan


meaningful lyrics....

aiyahz...so damn tired...

my 2 uni classmates, enping and shiyao, are down with chicken pox...will i be the next one?

to think that i was with both of them on last friday...and saw one of them even on saturday....and i am feeling very tired lately...

paranoid...

better drink more h2o....

i should go sleep early tonight...

and i have been biting my fingers so much lately that i think i might eat up the whole finger someday....

this aint good...

the time spent on doing tutorials: increasing...
the number of tutorials done: decreasing...
efficiency: dropping
intelligence: dropping
level of depression: rising
level of sian-ness: rising

i needa break out of the cycle...


repressed feelings tend to disappear in a while's time....i hope....

she

the lost feeling is back...

when i am beginning to learn to live without it...it comes back to haunt me again...

first of all...barca won chelsea 2-1 at stamford bridge..haha...didn't manage to stay up for the 2nd half...so i missed all the own goals....saw the red card for del horno...messi(barca) was good...he's damn fast lar...


yanz said it seems like i'm in a good mood lately...hmm..maybe bah...it's the midterm break phenomenon...

didn't manage to catch up alot for my modules...but i have definitely caught up with more sleep and working out...

studying bio is tedious...for once in my life...that i have spent so much time on an mcq test...(this coming sat)...should i su it? but i think i's not that hard to score also...

hope my good mood last...friday recharge...lolz...but sat got test....sigh....buzi buzi weekz ahead....

oh...time to update emy midterm test results...

maths: 12/12
econs: 37/39
cprogramming: 16/21

aint bad for a week of effort...

hope the other 3 after midterm break can be good also...

tired...

still not sleeping coz i slept yesterday and failed to wake up for soccer...

today, i decided to take a diff route...do tutorials until this time...and indeed...2 short tuts manage to keep me working non stop till now (from abt 9pm)...yep..i'm dat inefficient...

the maths tut kept me tearing up papers...flipping textbook ...and still i couldn't finish it coz i don't how to do...

cs was relatively okay except for one question that needs to write a program...it's freaking easy lar...after like 1 hr of brain-twitching pndering....but at least i see the light in the end ....sigh...dayz ahead are hard...

you know something...

i still haven't totally gave up on you yet, cn1111!!!!!

i shall conquer you and my genes....

"我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
他也偷偷的掉泪了"

光良 -- 约定

behind the façade of the calmness....there is the tense zs...(whom others may refer to as zhan)....as i was chatting with a jc friend a few days ago...i used to be relaxed and slacked in jc...but ever since uni...i have been abit tensed up...no one knows...coz no sign tells eh...bt actually..i'm loosing up abit this sem le...

how to tell when ah zhan is stressed? he tells that in his blog...the number of blog entry shoots up suddenly....he talks about totally unrelated stuff(in other words - 语无伦次)...he goes home straight after school and stays at home...he sleeps more but most of the time...he is struggling to sleep....

pple thinks he is clever...but actualli ah zhan stupid stupid de...he takes more time than pple to understand things...he's always lagging...so he spends more time to reach the same level with the pple around him...the army has damaged his brain (i'm quite sure on this pt)...

sensible? hmm...abit bah...he senses then he bo heui...then it equals to not sensible....sensitive may be a better word here bah...

and one more thing...he very introvert one..why no one notice that? he shy shy grow up...stay shy shy...quite cute ehz...lolz/...

tmr he going play bball and badminton in sch...

happy bday to my dad!!!!

happy bday taoz...(tao is my friend, not my DAD!!!)

身体累了 but 脑里还在思考...

hmm...but really...it's just that i'm thinking too much....sometimes...i just so hate to be zs...coz he thinks very much but no action de...think here think there..in the end the thoughts remain as they are....never executed....things never happen....

yahz...complex...coz he takes things complicatedly...should learn to view life as simple as it is....born to death...it's just a cycle..

i think i'm a person that is hard to comprehend....

i'm just simply complex....

http://kevan.org/johari?name=zhanz

do this for me if you have the time....

a mini task to let you know the me i know...and let me know the me you know....
in other words...let you discover what i think of myself and let me discover what you think of me?

haha...


the z-monsters always pester me bu dun put me into sleep...they are freaking irritating...i didn't sleep well last night again....

and so, the night draws near..it's the time for the day again...to decide whether to sleep...judging from the past few nights...attempts to sleep at as early as 12am didn't seem to reap any profit...instead i got diminishing returns from the tossing and turning in bed...marginal product falls to the point where total product reached a max and drop....hell...

should i give it a try again? coz i'm really damn tired...8am lecture today till now...only a half hour of nap time...

ok...let some songs bring me to sleep...

my eyes are giving up on me...they are naturally closing....

have you ever feel that the whole entire universe is ganging up and turning against you? well...maybe bad things don't happen alone...祸不单行...amazingly...why does the otherwise (好事成双) happen to me?

maybe i'm thinking too much...maybe i'm feeling too strong...

maybe..yes...maybe...there is really nothing....nothing

2 more tests on sat and it's midterm break...a break to do catching up for my modules and prep for 3 more midterm tests...a break still? haha..any break from sch is good enough....

math today wasn't too bad...at least i can find values that were given as choices in the mcq...lolz....

i think i'm sleeping...no energy to study....

i will conquer them tmr....


"and i'm just down,
you left me with a note and without a sound"

- lin junjie "Down"

i believe the 眼神 is a very 奇妙 thing....it really tells how you feel about a particular someone...

watch my eyes...

*blink blink.... ^_^

happy vday to all!!!

nothing very special about such a day for me...it's still a usual tuesday....haha...but i felt happy to see happy people around....

everyone seemed to be in a lighthearted mood...that should be the way...if not too tense and stressed up can kill de...

well...feel abit lousy all of a sudden...why? lotsa midterm tests and lotsa catching up for othee modules...many things that i'm very doubtful....maybe i'm feeling scared....

sigh~...

"我想你不是真的爱我
习惯被忽略不算自由
相爱的人总是不懂
为什么真心伤得特别重"

不是真的爱我 - steph sun

"有时候爱是一种眼神
赶走所有苦闷
是你让我记得自己不是一个人"

眼神 - stephanie sun


"我只想对着天空轻轻的呼吸
寻找着我最深爱的人在哪里"

爱 无力 - kelly phoon

so cute!!!!

it's a moment when willingness no longer matters....what matters the most is the ability....

demand: defined as consumers' willingness and ability to pay for a commodity.

farked up: defined as ah zhan's willingness but inability to do cn1111 tutorial....

was staring at the 6 questions set...did some scribblings and workings...nothing seemed to work...went to read abit of textbook...nothing seemed clear to me....wasted so much time...and nothing seemed to be produced....

gave up for today...maybe tmr will be a better day....

i wan me midterm break!!!

time for bed....tmr's gonna be a heavy day....

if there is anything that's lacking in my life....it would have to be you....happiness....

"爱是你眼里的一首情歌"...

白鸽 is not a love song...

it's just some meaningful song about someone searching and striving towards her dream...there were moments of uncertainty....moments of doubt...but nevertheless...she found 那扇门...left 这片冷....=)

元宵节快乐!!!

it's been a while since i have such feeling...

should i follow it?

it's been a wonderful night out with wonderful friends....

apart from the fact that i developed a chest pain last night that caused to to lost a great deal of sleep....that last till even now....despite the minor cock-ups in chem lab in the morning....

everything was just great....

met up with shaggerz...coz it's yee's and kok's bday (8th and 9th feb)....it's been a while since we all get together for a meal or even meet up....cafe cartel at bpp...hha...afterwhich...was the usual indecisiveness of what to do next...ended up in WCRC again playing pool and billiard...till 12am plus....tired ...but felt good....

tmr is gonna be a long day....8am...and i gonna rush out my chem lab report also....dun wanna drag it for too long....

chest pain/heart pain...dunno why lehz...lolz....can someone cure my heart pain?

2 more weeks to mid term break....including this week....

but what lie ahead are ma1506 midterm on next thurs....cs1101c and ec1301 midterm on next sat...buzi buzi.....stress stress....

think i'm taking it easy...too easy...too relax...it's unhealthy....

"喜欢一个人就要大方的说出来 憋在心里会得内伤的"
- 沈孝柔(真命天女)

i not stupid....

Why ain't anything good happening to me?


i feel like i'm falling into it again...but i'm struggling to climb up....

struggling to stay out of it...but why?

初四乌龙....i went sch for cs lab but realised that i had gotten down the wrong timing all this while....always thought my slot was at 10am...my timetable was set to reflect that time slot...but it's only till today that i found out otherwise....it's actualli the 12pm slot....so cock....

thatz me....

amendment to my time table