emotionally attached?

well...it might not be good to be too emotionally attached...be it to a person...a place...an event...or even just a commodity...

but my qn to u is "if not...then to what/who are u attaching your emotions?"

it's scary to be too involved...but isn't it called "passion"? and i believe this precious little thing is worth a million more than 'total' non-chalant...dun be a walking zombie...when nothing in this world interests u anymore...when u no longer care abt every single thing in the world....or even (in a closer context) around u....

been sick over the weekend...and due to the weak health...i had a very bad temper...flared at my mom's nagging even though i know (very well) that she had me at heart...and everything she said is for my own good....that those numerous 熬夜ings are just doing harm to my body...

well i guess if there's anyone in the world who knows how to live a life...that would have to be 'a mother living her son/daughter's life'...coz mothers always know what are best for their children (at least for the majority)...


oh here's a sidenote to my beloved friend:
hey yanz...dun worry so much...do what u think lingyan will do....every experience will be worth going thru...every decision will be a lesson learnt...

and you know your mom loves u!

shgrz love you too!

== me?

i think this is quite a word that sums me up...just cannot make up my mind on certain things...keep changing totz....as i have said before...i want to fid anchorage!!! i dun wanna keep swaying....

capricious [kəˈpriʃəs] adjective
changeable
Example: She may change her mind — she's very capricious.

Arabic: هَوائِيٌّ، مُتَقَلِّبٌ، ذو نَزَوات Chinese (Simplified): 多变的 Chinese (Traditional): 多變的 Czech: náladová, rozmarná Danish: impulsiv; lunefuld Dutch: grillig Estonian: tujukas Finnish: oikukas French: capricieux German: launisch Greek: ιδιότροπος Hungarian: szeszélyes Indonesian: tidak tetap Italian: capriccioso Japanese: 気まぐれな

Korean: 변덕스러운 Latvian: kaprīzs; untumains Lithuanian: kaprizingas, užgaidus Norwegian: lunefull Polish: kapryśny Portuguese (Brazil): caprichoso Portuguese (Portugal): caprichoso Romanian: capricios Russian: капризный Slovak: náladový Slovenian: muhast Spanish: caprichoso Swedish: nyckfull, lynnig Turkish: kaprisli, maymun iştahlı

*mundane*

okie...i tot that i should write a *mundane* post on my *mundane* life...

lacking spark...lacking friction...lacking...ermz...what else? wadever thatz lacking...



hollowfication done...'hollow'-ed...




and the 'everyday' starts with a 7am-alarm...that nvr nvr fails to irritate its owner...and in a semi-conscious state...the walking zombie starts making his way to wash up...pee...blar blar....*mundane*...comb and style hair...blar....*mundane*

*mundane*

out of home @ 7:20...(used to be later...but now that the 8:05am bus is packed with more 'ah nehz' and pple who pop out from nowhere...i have no choice...coz i want a seat on the way to office...)...catch the bus at 7:45am @ JE...then close eyes until bus reach 18 pioneer road...

boot up comp and surf msn.com (the only site that i can surf) for 20 mins...wait for the fellow interns to reach and then go breakfast at 8:30am...*mundane*...coffee @ 9am...some work/little work/no work....and lunch @11:30am!!! fave time of the day...


afternoon is abit torturous...long hours left...with some work/little work/no work...

hhaa...but i got my way to pass the day...the coffee keeps my mouth moisture....so that i can talk all day...ha...so that i wun fall asleep...yeah....*mundane*



why is my internship so unexciting? ...even the works that i do are so clerical...so *mundane*...so no-value-added...so time wasting and energy wasting...but not brain-f**king...

oh...i need some brain-f***ing work...my mind's going rusty...stupidified...'hollow'-ed...

argh...



i dun like it...

quote

『我們要學的是怎麼失敗，上台容易下台難；為學日進，為道日損。』

abt settling down...

yes...it's called 'sedimentation'

...i realise i can't...i'm like swaying everywhere...can't find anchorage...

and thatz probably the cause...



keeping myself busy makes me forget that i'm drifting away with the flow...in whatever direction...getting myself tired makes sure that i dun resist the force of the the current carrying my weightless body...



i need a place to settle down...i need the courage to do so...for i'm afraid of uncertainties...and i'm tired of swaying...

seeking refuge...

where?

theory of life

Theory 1: effort does not equal result.

i so have to agree with brudder's entry that

"Many a time, efforts have been put in, but more often than not, dun get wat u hope for..When u finally decide to put it all down, it comes to u, but u duno if it matters as much as before.."

I call it the Irony of Life...aka the Joke of Life...or in a more harsh term...the Brutality of Life...

no...it doesn't mean u shouldn't put in effort...But you should learn to be god-damn sure of when is your effort exceeding the threshold...over putting in of effort is so unwise...for u will just be wasting time and getting no returns...

well...it's called the law of diminishing returns in econs term...cunning pple will stop at the moment when returns are no longer increasing...and even if there are still some to be reaped...it's just not worth anymore additional effort...

and so...it comes to the point of 'knowing when to stop'...and when you have finally decided to stop...there's not 'turning back'...becoz even if u look back...all you can see are just "i should have (this this and that that...)" ...ar...it's called 'regrets'...bound to happen in life but not worth reviewing...so...dun look back to yesterdays...and dun trust the Beatles...dun even 'believe in yesterday'...yesterday is history...present is what counts and that determines the future...

future is nothing but an extrapolation of present...



(ending the post with an aching left shoulder...too much mind intriguing blogging....regretz....haha....irony of life huh..."Let it be x 04....")

happy bday!!!

happy bday, tiong....

awaiting your 1st pay treat....lolz....and any other treats that u might wanna give?

cheers

mind-gaming with your mind...

well well...almost done with my 4-day-mugger programme over the weekend...it feels good to be roaming in the central lib again...seeing familiar faces....pple whom i haven't seen for months...pple whom i last saw during last sem's mugging dayz...lolz...

and the hot babes that always managed to distract the pple who so damn wanted to mug...lolz...

it's been a fruitful weekend spent...apart from knowledge of 'forensic science' forcefully gained for the sake of the exam...(things like how much heroin can you traffick and escape death sentence...the most 'in' drugs in SG...how the court plays ard with words to cheat pple with 'powdered' english...and learn how to think and behave like a criminal...blar blar...) ...there are plentiful of other insights that i managed master...

and in fact...it IS psychology (just that it is not forensic)...very similar to wat i learnt from the crapz in forum...

Modus Operandi - mode of operation, refering to the characteristic style of criminal in committing crimes

and muggers' do have their modus operandi too! and there is, in fact, a optimum style or pattern for each indv...

and this has to be coupled with other surr factors to maximise the desired outcome...

well...let me elaborate....

my songs have to be played at '2 bars' of my laptop vol and 50% of wmp volume....anything less than that...i would hear background noises like lunatics' laughters in the discussion room ...pple typing away on their laptops...etc...anything more...you would start seeing my lips murmuring away...NOT the words on the lecture notes....but the lyrics of the current-playing song...so...there's IS an optimum...

okay...despite the vol setting...i have found ways to push the optimum limit further...and that is to play songs that u dun know the lyrics...in this way...the most that u would observe would be the words on the notes 'jumping' to the beats of the songs (due to ur head nodding away like u were on some hallucinogens)...

crap? haha...there's more...

other than ur modus operandi...the surr also affect ur performance...things like the pple sitting in front of u...beside u....those at the tables next to you...blar blar...

my advice...sit with your face away from any stairway or entrance...and 'place' a hot chick beside u...not in front of u...(if u can ...but if ur objective is not to mug...do otherwise...) ...=P this will lessen the amt of up-down neck exercise...and left-right turning is more productive for note reading...haha...
(sidenote: this part is more applicable to male readers...haaz)

and coffee...if u must...get good tasting ones...dun get those that are too bitter or sweet...haha...but well...it is subjective...so i shan't dwell on this...

hydrate....but not to the extent of toilet visiting every half an hour...dun make the toilet so dirty!

equipped urself with loads of coins on weekends...coz vending machines can get as hungry as ur stomach....

still think it's crap? ha...i think they all make sense...

dun let ur mind control u....instead trick it into working ur way....

esp the subconscious mind...i realised i can no longer force-memorise things...all i can do...is to just read and read and read...and let the subconscious mind register everything...the key now is to find the trigger to retrieve everything that's supposed to be inside... \and till i find THAT key...i shall just continue to read and read and read and read and read and read....

"the power of thinking without thinking" ...how cool! i realised i could do i sometimes...like how i can sing along with the songs and work out the derivation of the formulae for probability...lolz...i think thatz becoz of the different parts of the mind that are at work at the same time...language and mathematics use 2 diff parts and taadaa! multi-tasking!!!! i couldnt do it with textful topics....coz i use the whole brain for language-intensive subjects....haa....


okay...i'm beginning to feel crappy...it's crap afterall i guess...disorganised crapz...