those 内心里的真心话...

we stopped talking...in fact, you stopped looking for me long ago...

i kept looking for you...but always couldn't find you...till i got so tired...till i dunno what can i say to you even if i manage to find or see you...till all i might be able to do now is just to force a smile if we even meet...

i dunno if there's any reason...but i think maybe i drove u away...further and further...until the stage that we start to behave like we aren't even friends...

do you know that whenever i see you in sch these days...my heart aches...i'm sad at how it becomes...i'm sad that we don't even say hi...i'm sad that we can both see each other and yet pretend that we don't (or maybe only i feel that way)...i'm sad that i no longer matter..anywhere/...anytime...or maybe...i had never been of any matter...

you know...you used to look for me to talk about so many things...your fyp...ur modules...your uncle...your 'him'...and this and that...then you stopped...i felt kinda hurt coz i felt so easily forgetten and dispensed and displaced...i felt hurt when u said that last thing u ever said to me in dec...i felt disappointed when u missed my bday...

i felt hurt becoz i had put in 真感情 for the friendship...and this is what i get...i know pple always say that one should not expect any return favour if u willingly do something for someone...but i'm sure that there's this tiny part in all of us that yearn for something in return...some signs of appreciation/recognition...it's afterall..human nature thatz so hard to change...

to think that i once regarded you as my very very good friend...someone whom i can talk to...whom i'm willing to 付出 for...someone whom i would initiate lending my ipod shuffle to when you simply commented that you lost your mp3 player....but now i realise...for all the things done...all were unasked for...

i heard some gossips abt me...abt what i wrote on my blog...that concerns you...so i decided to put a password for access...i think i have attracted some unneccessary attention...i dun care what pple say...but i'm afraid certain unnice comments will be made...and i dun wan anyone to be hurt or adversely affected by them...

to be frank...i still bear a little bit of hope...that we can have the type of friendship we used to have...that u can be part of my life and i be part of urs...that i will be in a position where i can help when u need assistance...that you will not mind whining to me and listen to me whining...but i feel it's kinda hard...coz knowing the type of person you are...you will live on fine...too fine to realise that we were once such friends....too fine to even imagine where this friend of yours has gone too...

these are just my 内心话...very 痛心的...真心话...

having very mixed feelings when blogging these down...a part of me wish that you would read this....but the other part of me wish you wouldn't...coz i dun wanna cause u anymore trouble or problem or irritation or what not...

i just hope you will be happy each day...hope that i can get to know that you are happy each day...