this is gonna be a depressing, sad, nothing-to-be-happy-abt post...

i'm DOWN again. Yes, yet again. I feel so lousy. So incompetent. So vulnerable to the forces around me. Have you ever walked on the road, not at all concerned about the traffic around you? Have you ever felt that the entire world has a conspiracy against you? Have you ever felt hopeless, worthless?

Signs of depression again, i guess. Never once fail to to sadden the already sad me.

Okay. Here's what happened. I failed my third TP test just now. And i almost knew it even before i started the test. I still held on to the hope that things might just turn out fine. i know it's not wrong to hold on to some hope. But everytime when i felt like this, the hope failed me. Never once did miracles happen.

i see no reason why i should pass the test. I did every fault that a learner driver can commit. You might laugh at it. But really, i don't know what is happening to me. The heart is not in place. The mind wanders off somewhere. I even thought that i was doing parallel parking when i was, in fact, told to do vertical parking.

i'm amazed. By my own stupidity, my incapability of being myself.

can somebody just tell me what is happening to me? i'm lost. i feel disoriented. i feel that i don't have anything to look forward to in life. At this rate, i might turn myself into a zombie.

laugh at me if you really want to. But please don't let me know that you laughed. 别在我伤口上洒盐...i feel that i'm sinking into a deep, dark hole. When i thought i saw light and persevered to climb out of it, i felt a push from above and i fell to the bottom again.

A phase in life that i must get through? perhaps. i'm still holding on to some hope. it may betray me again. But i think i still need a glimpse of hope, coz i really can't fight the battle alone anymore.


我不知道我在想什么...在做什么...Really. i have never felt so strangled in my 21 years of life at all. My heart feels weak. It feels like it can't take another blow anymore.


sinking...drowning...collapsing...shattering...